Charlie Brooker's How to Report the News - Newswipe - BBC Four

Before long a standard news report visual language established itself, one that's immediately recognizable to anyone. Me has this report

It starts here with a lackluster establishing shot of a significant location. Next, a walkie talkie preamble from the auteur

pacing steadily towards the lens

punctuating every other sentence with a hand gesture and ignoring all the pricks milling around him [like] [he's] gliding through the fucking Matrix before coming

to a halt and posing a question:

What comes next?

Often, something like this: a filler shot designed to give your eyes something to look at while my voice babbles on about facts. Sometimes

it'll slow down to a halt, turn monochrome, and some of those facts will appear one by one on the screen.

This is followed by the obligatory shots of overweight people with their faces

subtly framed out, after which the report is padded out with the selection of lazy and pointless vox pops.

Usually get some inane chatter from people. I think they do have too much;

I think what we want to hear is actually what's happening and not what other people [think] of it

I hate the same sound bites...they're... I don't want some

punter's opinion usually...no.

Another bit of dull visual abstraction to plug another gap now before the report segues gracefully into a bit of human interest courtesy of some

Dowdy man opening letters in a kitchen and explaining how he's been affected by the issue.

When I'm watching the news, I don't really, you know, there's a person talking to me telling me what's going on,

and [I] don't really listen to what they're saying.

It's just news. It's just news

He, unfortunately ,was boring, so to wake you up, this is an animated chart,

this is a silhouette representing the average family, and this is [a] lighthouse keeper

Being beheaded by a laser beam. As we near the end of the report,

illustrative shots of pedestrians and signs and a pipe at a window, and then the final summary ending on a whimsical shot of something nearby,

accompanied by a wry sign-off: if you're lucky, a bit of wordplay fit for a king or in other words, a regent's treat.

Charlie Brooker news wipe London