I'm home: How 10 years of travel helped me find belonging. | Phil Cha | TEDxUW

where are you from Canada no I'm out

where are you really from yeah we all

know st. Mike's Hospital Toronto Ontario

Canada eh come on man you gotta help me

out we're your parents from Korea I knew

it

I'm really good at that I knew you

weren't Chinese about maybe Japanese but

not you know Korean drama I loved it I

you kimchi - what's your real name

wait I could ask North or South come on

man it doesn't matter where I go what

country I go to it could be France

unfortunately it could be Britain it

could be Brazil people don't accept the

answer that I am Canadian

it doesn't get better when I go to Korea

where I do look Korean as soon as I open

my mouth however they think America at

home I'd be eating kimchi and speaking

konglish Korean English with my parents

and outside I would be speaking English

with my friends and being the best

banana I could be which is yellow on the

outside and white on the inside and I

always had these struggles with my

identity I remember the day that it

really hit me I was walking next to a

very reflective building with my friends

and I look over and I think one of these

things is not like the other one of

these things is not the same and all my

friends were white and I wasn't and it

made me really question my identity and

the reason why this became such a

problem for me was because if I didn't

know who I was I had a difficult time

really believing that I knew what I

wanted or I knew what I believed in or I

knew what identified in if I can't even

figure out what I am how can I make the

big choices in life so I would lie in my

bed staring up at the ceiling thinking

thank you for no real purpose just

thinking in circles with no real

satisfaction just thinking about Who I

am I thought so much I

name this term I called it and excuse

the language I called it mental

masturbation

it wouldn't be satisfying I just

thinking consecutively and then when I

was done probably fall asleep and then

the next day I would do it again mental

masturbation this did not get better at

the end of university I was still

thinking am I really making these

choices for the right reasons you know I

was a good Asian American I thought I'm

gonna be a doctor lawyer and/or engineer

this is where I'm supposed to be

life is good I had my you know

leadership positions everyone thought I

had everything control under control but

I really had no idea

and then divine intervention came a

friend of mine max and his parents

Linda Skylar and Steven stone who I will

be forever indebted to came to me with

the gift of travel and for a poor

immigrant I thought this was a really

big opportunity for me to actually get

out there and see the world so we

started doing our trip we started

traveling around we did the standard

Europe we went to see way too many

churches way too many art galleries all

those you know things that you could

have into the ground but Instagram did

not exist then and it was fun we went

over to Southeast Asia and I had a very

educational experience with a

same things with different went over to

Australia and after ten months of travel

which is amazing I said bye to my

friends and they went home but I was

compelled to keep on going I had to keep

on going in and it was because I was

actually finally making decisions of my

own poor decisions but I was making

decisions of my own I was learning about

what I wanted who I was what I believed

in is all coming together and I had a

fundamental belief that it's when you

leave your friends your family the media

and everyone who tells you who you have

to be that's really when you're free to

kind of figure out who you want to be

and it's when you leave your couch your

TV your McDonald's or Starbucks your

Wi-Fi and your language that you're

really free to figure out what you can

really do so I thought I got to keep on

going and I did my trip and I kept on

travelling so ten months turned into ten

years and I did have my home bases but

you know I wasn't settled for a very

long time I kept on popping in and out

always going around and I kept traveling

I did the standard thing where I would

uh you know it was pretty ridiculous I

went to over a hundred cities dozens of

countries I lived in a few cities as

well but it wasn't enough I thought I

need to learn more so you know I thought

you know what I like I like animals if

you don't like animals you can't be my

friend um I thought I'm gonna go around

the world and see the most majestic

animals which looking back may not have

been the most ethical choice but I

hugged tigers I hug Lions I hugged

pandas swam with whale sharks

subsequently I ate a lot of animals

scorpion I do not recommend by the way

and then I thought I like the human

experience

I gotta learn more about the human

experience and I love culture so if I

learn more about other people I'll learn

more about myself right so I hit up all

these festivals I went to the world's

largest food fight the Tomatina in Spain

I went to Songkran the world

I just water fight I'll call them all

the world's largest that would be there

there's even a wine fight for people who

like wine I went to a festival in Taiwan

where I would be dancing on fireworks

and yes you bleed you would also do

those lantern festivals Holi in India

the color festival and carnival in

Brazil I thought I was is basically a

hedonistic trip just figuring out

culture but it wasn't enough so I

thought maybe I need a wider spectrum of

the human experience

and some of it happened by accident but

I thought what if I go to the more

depressing side I went to Haiti after

the earthquake I went to nori New

Orleans after Katrina I've been shot at

I've had a gun in my face I've been

drugged

homeless robbed I caught a thief in a

Mario suit for some reason carnival you

got to go and I was a beggar on the

streets as well and although these

horrible experiences were bad at the

time they did teach me a lot but for

some reason it still wasn't a lot enough

and just like I was taught as a child as

many other people were taught that I was

a special unicorn and my dreams meant

everything I thought you know what I'm

gonna go for my dream I'm gonna do what

I always wanted no matter how

unreasonable it is and I grew up on a

video game video game called Street

Fighter so I thought I'm gonna go around

the world and I am gonna fight everyone

I documented it I called it my level up

trip and I did ridiculousness

I did a marathon and every continent

Antarctica was a lot warmer than you

would expect

I I lived in 12 different countries

where I did martial arts and I lived in

the Shaolin Temple I did Brazilian Jiu

Jitsu in Copacabana I where else la with

mandatory Freddie Roach learning how to

box

Spain everywhere else I would just go

around the world fighting just like I

thought was this amazing trip and my

life started turning out into a weird

Facebook profile where basically it was

just a series of cuddly animals

festivals

and running lots of running and a lot of

jumping for some read weird reason the

police officers did stop but it was just

to take pictures and I came back with

all these photos all these experiences a

lot of participation ribbons and way too

many t-shirts from runs and I still felt

the same I didn't really learn much

about myself

I just felt older I wasn't old but my

friends were having babies and getting

mortgages

I felt poor I was in poorer poor but I

was in debt I didn't have savings and I

felt alone and when I say that I don't

mean like I was all lonely I mean you

ever watch one of those TV shows where

there's a group of friends and they have

their adventures every single week but

once in a while a guest I would show up

and then you wouldn't see him for the

next season that's pretty much what I

felt like where I would be

in and out tella cool story I'm gone I

didn't have my my crew my group of

friends where I felt really really close

to so basically I passport stamps and

stories so I was back to the start lying

in my bed looking up at the ceiling

thinking but this time I don't call it

mental masturbation because I had a lot

of material think back on and really try

to dissect my travels to find an answer

and that answer actually came really

early on probably been the second year

of my travels in North Korea and it was

one of those very vivid moments where I

was going up the mountains in a bus I

was listening to this song by new Java's

called miss line and it was just perfect

cuz we were literally in this mist line

and I was raining and the clouds are

kind of around us and I was looking at

the window of the bus and there were

these water droplets on it I'm thinking

back that's probably when it all hit me

and I figured it out this whole idea of

identity and problems and things that I

was trying to figure out was all on this

wind

and I would look at one of these water

droplets go across the window and it

would get thinner and it would start

stopping and then eventually would be

gone and that's how I was living my life

I was this solo raindrop kind of going

around along until I was stopped and

when I think about those moments back in

my trip where I felt really exuberant

where I felt really belonging where I

fall amazing is because I was like a

different raindrop when you look at

another part of the bus it was full of

water

all these little raindrops all around it

and as this raindrop went down it would

collect from everything around it gain

speed gain momentum get bigger and

fatter and just kind of go all the way

across and when I thought about it I

felt like that was actually my identity

it wasn't so much a I guess a place it's

not so much I'm Canadian anymore I'm

Korean anymore it wasn't even the

experiences themselves in my trip that

were the teacher it were all the people

I was with it was this group of

ridiculous people trying to find

themselves as I traveled around the

world that really contributed to who I

was I have this passion from these fire

performers attention to detail from

these crazy cosplayers that I would know

competitiveness from the b-boys and the

runners I met on Antarctica were a total

different level of insanity yeah some of

them running hundreds of marathons every

single year I don't have a country

but I started to finally figure out kind

of who I was I kind of felt a belonging

in a way and that's where that's what I

try to teach the people that you know

when they asked me would you learn from

your travel is that stuff that this is

the biggest lesson I learned from it is

that when I look back it's all 20/20 the

four things I learned from this entire

experience was when I know what I who I

am I know what I want I know how to

change myself

I know resilience and I know belonging

it sounds simple in a way but that's

that's what all the ten years kind of

comes together to and with those four

things I feel ready to take over the

world

knowing who I am I kind of know what I

want there's a book called The Alchemist

by Paulo Coelho oh my god

and he says I you know if you know your

heart you won't surprise yourself

I make horrible decisions guys the worst

decisions make the best stories but I

make some bad decisions and whenever I

make that bad decision and something's

gonna happen I'm like no this is you

this this is exactly what you would have

done you wouldn't have changed it ever I

know what I want and you know funny

enough I'm actually going back to

medical school um before I was wondering

if my parents were forcing me towards it

now I realize it's actually what I

wanted I just lost 10 years it's okay

it's what I would have done I know what

I was it's also good because I know how

to change myself and I'm not talking

p90x and you know dieting and all that

stuff to influence yourself it's really

a lot easier than you would think

just like that raindrop that was going

down that window you collect from people

around you which sounds pretty obvious

and if you surround yourself with haters

and people who are negative people that

influence you in a poor way you'll take

it on you'll start gossiping and you'll

think more like them being inspired is

it's not that difficult in a way you

just got to surround yourself with

people like the people here or people

that you know that would push you

forward make you a little uncomfortable

you surround yourself with these water

drops and you will absorb some of it

you'll also leave some of yourself

behind and you'll change if you hang out

with just photographers I swear you know

photography terms it'll happen

and it'll happen automatically so I know

what I want I know how to change and

then the next one is really important to

me is resilience dealing with stress is

difficult emotions are the only truth

I'm told it's the only thing that'll

make you quit a job or go and find

yourself in some ashram in India it's

something that really affects you

because when you get those fields you

got to deal with them recently I went

through a very difficult time in my life

where I lost somebody who was a very big

part of my identity

and when you live with someone or when

you are with somebody and you lose them

you might lose the memories the times

and a huge chunk of who you think you

are and you might even not know who you

are anymore

but if you're thinking that you are this

water drop it's not that bad to get back

on your feet you just gotta surround

yourself again with people who remind

you who you really are and that was

really important to me and sure this

part is gone but doesn't mean that you

can fill in the blanks again and you

know become strong again as an identity

and identity is really what we're

looking at when you look in the mirror

and you think that's who I am

and the last thing was belonging and I I

still get the questions you know where

you're from people still ask me about

North Korea if I was born there Fila

people still talk about kpop and all

that other stuff but belonging to me is

easy now I was which was the hardest

question of my life and it's just when I

look around I see a collaboration of all

the people that have made me who I am

today

as ridiculous as they are or as

explosive like a fire performer that's

all a part of me now and I know exactly

where I belong it's not a geographic

location we don't need identity as a

geographic location anymore it's easier

when you're in Korea and let's say your

five closest friends all eat kimchi and

all speak Korean and all do the same

things and all want the same school but

in a multicultural environment where

none of my closest friends speak the

same language identity is just this

collaboration of everyone around you and

that's where I found my belonging and I

think that's the most important thing is

to know where you belong thank you

you