Published May 19, 2023, 2:20 a.m. by Monica Louis
politics has always been a dirty game, with each side trying to score points against the other. The recent presidential election was no different, with both candidates mudslinging and trying to discredit each other.
politics is a complex and often confusing topic, but it's important to understand the basics. Here are a few key points to keep in mind:
-The government is made up of three branches: the executive, the legislative, and the judiciary.
-The executive branch is responsible for carrying out the laws, while the legislative branch makes the laws. The judiciary interprets the laws.
-The president is the head of the executive branch, and the congress is the legislature.
-politics is all about power. Those in power make the decisions, and those out of power try to influence those decisions.
-There are two main political parties in the United States: the Democratic Party and the Republican Party.
-politics is often divisive, with people taking sides on issues.
- Compromise is often necessary in politics in order to get things done.
Whether you love or hate politics, it's important to be informed about what's going on in the world. Keep up with the news and learn as much as you can about the political process.
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[Music]
got it got it got it
Oh Sinatra don't got it how about this
for a campaign slogan you snooze you
lose
so don't sleep through this election
vote for Brendan small for president of
the student council it's good thanks but
you know a campaign slogan should be
something short and catchy like Nixon's
the one or I like Ike or you know
something like that
vote for Brendan small for student
government president because no job is
too big for the boy they call small
Brendan small that is so vote for him
for president
that's council yeah that's good you know
hey how's the poster coming Jason I drew
a train and then I drew my mom in the
corner I was that gonna get Brendan
elected Oh No
well it looks good thanks Brenda yeah
how about this first Logan thank big
votes small
[Music]
so the playground issue almost became my
Waterloo man I hear you but with some
good old-fashioned eleventh-hour
politicking I was able to secure my
legacy you know one time I tried to
secure my like I say but it got away got
away yeah
do you know that I have run unopposed in
the last three elections ever do one of
those three legacy races yeah tomorrow
I'm gonna beat the pants off you small
well then I guess I won't bother wearing
it and try not to cry when you lose well
thanks for your advice and let me just
say this yeah no don't misunderstand me
adjectives are good but one to eight
adjectives in a row are more than enough
to describe some little red boat it's a
big green boat whatever you get my point
excuse me miss small do you think we
could have a break now I'm hungry
actually I was hoping to get through
most of these papers first can you wait
until then Susan I'm Julie I'm Susan can
I take a break listen I really want to
plow through these papers what is it
with you people what is this some sort
of a joke every time it's always
something it's always whining whining
whining all you want to do is go outside
and smoke your cigarettes I know that's
what some of you do and you should quit
because they're bad for you fine take
your little break but remember this I'll
be damned if I'm gonna waste my time on
a bunch of smokers guess what you are
going in I said touch all that moon
really me nicest wow that's uh that's
really Wow huh
somebody got a saw four days okay keep
the camera low and aim it up so I looked
all is because tall is good in politics
and you know Thurman Thackery is tall
and Lincoln was tall so his hat was tall
when I can turn it off he was a
so Brendan what's your platform gonna be
I think a budget should use this box no
platform is in political play yeah all
right this box wait a minute he's right
this box is my platform forget it let's
get started
action hey I say action no I'm directing
down the box and action action action
action action my fellow American
students do hmm
take two two action my fellow Americans
it's time for our school to move into
the next millennium even though we did
sort of already I'm talking about
learning from videos instead of books
books can hurt your eyes friends has
this ever happened to you I can't read
anymore the words burn my eyes please
read the top line sir I can't I can't
read anymore just as I thought you were
reading too much you'll have to wear
glasses and people will make fun of you
for the rest of your life they'll call
you four-eyes and idiot forget the
glasses I won't read anymore then
they'll just call you idiot okay how
about laser surgery well that's fine if
you don't mind growing an extra arm I
don't mind
oh my god next time you should just
watch a video about history instead of
reading about it then you'll learn the
exact same thing but without your eyes
going bad that's not a bad idea what do
you think there you have it folks
so remember think big vote small Brendon
small and don't vote for Thurman Zachary
all right so how many of you showed up
yesterday and waited around for me in
the pouring rain cuz untight alright so
pretty much everybody good well the
reason I didn't make it was I was out
very late the night before alright doing
what explanation over looks like I got a
heckler what I first lady let me remove
my brain so we can start as equals hey
hey nice outfit
some motel somewhere is missing a shower
curtain huh who does your hair Picasso
huh who does it honestly who does your
hair lady dad who's your dad Picasso hey
coach Melissa wasn't heckling you know
look at this folks we got stereo
hecklers hey pal I don't bother you when
you're working all right I don't have a
job I don't go down to the bus terminal
and pee on the seats while you're trying
to clean them why cuz you work there
what are you talking about you're doing
comedy that's just comedy Brendon
stand-up comedy but you're not funny
what what what are you talking about
Brendon I mean that people around here a
lot of time say McGuirk you're you're
kind of funny yeah you know people some
of the teachers think I'm funny
who oh you know when I go into the
teachers lounge and I'll say something
people will laugh and they'll be like
what you should do comedy Wow
alright I have weird observations about
things right that are meaningful uh-huh
and I need to get them out there yeah um
you know I heard it was also a good way
to get things off your chest you know I
got a lot of anger Brendon yeah I need
to channel that anger yeah usually I
just have a few drinks in my apartment
yeah start yelling then pass out mmm
well this is a way to bring that energy
from my apartment to the public to the
people yeah well what about soccer and
your actual job I make it as a stand-up
I won't need soccer mmm even though I'm
doubting myself as the soccer comic mmm
was what I do Brendon I go up in my
coach's outfit my whistle yeah
the soccer ball in my hand I set up a
goal mm-hmm that's pretty funny isn't it
I would have to see it so well Brendon
the whole point is is that it's out of
the element you know you're used to
seeing me here tomorrow I am a soccer
coach I know but you take that same song
coach put him in a different environment
that's funny people laugh do that it did
when at the beginning then what well
then I told jokes and they didn't laugh
ouch you got to start somewhere he
started with the outfit right dr.
Brendan hailed future president Shannon
had hi what do you what do you relax I
just wanted to come by and wish you luck
in tomorrow's election I think you're
gonna beat Thurman Thackery as I would
Wow
well you know I appreciate what you're
saying but I really don't think I have
one heck of a chance at all so yes you
need more confidence well mark my words
you will win and when you do I will be
there okay I'm just gonna back away
slowly okay mom I know you're proud of
your flowers and all but can't we just
move them to the other side of the city
no I like them here what were you saying
move the flowers before that uh this
meatloaf is dry no before that this is
meatloaf before that this fish is dry
know something about the election
tomorrow uh yeah yeah
the elections tomorrow and I think I'm
gonna be humiliated in front of the
whole school Oh Brendan being humiliated
doesn't matter the important thing is a
whole school oh my god look at these
flowers how much do you think these
costs mom do you understand what I'm
saying I mean if this election goes
badly I might have to change schools I'm
thinking minimum $60 I mean the flowers
I got from my aunt Faye after she was
mauled by that bear cost $50 and they
were nothing nothing compared to the mom
will you forget about the damn flowers I
didn't watch your mouth Brendan you
still there yeah all I can see is
flowers huh
[Music]
hey Melissa what's going on Brendan you
won what you won the election you're
president I won yeah I did oh my gosh I
thought I'm the president
oh my god I really am thank you
everybody
oh thank you everybody oh this is
fantastic
congratulations small Thurman Thackery
everybody we lost it i wad can you
believe it
thank you I'm the president I can't get
over this I really I really am Brendan
Shannon congratulations
I think you're gonna make a great
president Oh didn't I tell you you were
going to win yeah yeah you did say I was
gonna win didn't ya and because I was
with you from the first I humbly beseech
you for a position in your inner circle
tell him he's nothing but a
troublemaking bully and we don't want
that kind of riffraff on our staff
Melissa let me put this into my own
words if you don't mind okay here I just
hey we'll all right just hold Shannon
mm-hmm welcome aboard my friend
[Music]
you
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
Shannon what are you doing in the
hallway during class time what are you
doing in the hallway during class time
I'm asking you what are you doing in the
hallway during class time what are you
doing in the hallway during class time
what are you doing in the my students
locked me out but that's neither here
nor there no what are you doing in the
hallway during class time official
student government business flatfoot
well do you have an official student
government business hall pass right here
hmm well uh everything seems to be in
order here but we all know you're the
one that broke into the cars and stole
the CDs I myself lost all my Frank
Sinatra I love old blue eyes oh well
then you'll be glad to hear that I'm
going to be keeping an old blue eye on
you Shannon a a big wide-open old blue
eye that's gross
yes it is Shannon yes it is Brendon can
I have a word with you please with you
please look Brendon rumors are flying
around the school that you and Shannon
cheated on the election what that's
crazy and I know that he's the one who
stole my entire chairman of the board
collection wow I didn't know you
collected those guys Oh Brendon I'll be
frank with you senator huh you know
being associated with Shannon is just
the sort of thing that can keep you out
of a good film school that and a nasty
anonymous letter from me think about it
Brendon
you have to get rid of Shannon get rid
of him friended he's a troublemaker you
have to fire him it's not a good person
he's mean he's always threatening to
depantsed me
Brendan people are afraid to talk to me
because of him I'm afraid to talk to you
because of him Shannon's a bad apple
he's a bad seed it's a bad apple seed is
bad apple sauce he is bad apple crisp
everybody's talking about you
nothing about apples I hope you look
really good yeah you don't look bad no
you look good you look really good
Shannon Shannon's evil and now I'm evil
I'm my own evil twin Brendan let me just
say as someone who was voted best
Teacher of the Year need to take it was
nicest teacher of the month huh nicest
teacher of the month month year same
difference I'm still the best mom I
think god these things are almost dead
flowers are you old enough to surf on
this little boy thank you thank you it's
uh it's actually McGuirk John McGuirk so
how's everybody doing tonight so folks
you know what you know you're not
allowed to a double park in front of a
bank I didn't know this I I double
parked and they towed my car
it's very embarrassing cuz I come
running out of the bank because I robbed
it and I see my car on the back of a tow
truck I'm thinking at least I can afford
to get it back that I got the right rob
the bank all right check my notes here
it was with classical music on the radio
when are they gonna stop that I mean
does anybody still listen no get rid of
it yeah I mean no can we agree on that
what is that from I mean there's oldies
and then there's oldies I don't want to
hear music from 1640 all right what's
with these pictures of you know missing
kids on the milk cartons
you know I'm eating my cereal in the
morning and I see this you know missing
kid well thanks for depressing me you
know it's gonna be a good day I guess I
should go look for a missing kid
yeah oh here's a funny one so a few
weeks ago I was in a hotel room right
and you know hotel rooms after that you
know porn on television yeah I order it
up and my mom says hey turn that off cuz
she was there she was in the hotel room
yeah I was with my mom yeah now we're
cooking am i doing on time here keep it
going that's it
all right folks well I've been I've been
John McGuirk the soccer comic Thank You
Brendon are you all right mom can we
move the flowers and have an actual
conversation where we make eye contact
no I like the flowers on the table when
I was growing up my mother would never
let us have flowers on the table she
said they were dirty carried disease
sucked up all the oxygen and ridiculous
mom there's ants on the table what ants
oh my god it's these filthy flowers a
dead cat thing is funny you're listening
to me
you know you should use like a stuffed
animal and take all the stuffing out so
it's all flat you know then when you
talk about the cat getting run over the
audience sees what you're talking about
you got to get them into your world you
know what I'm saying the thing that I
did about the pimple is funny right I
mean I know it needs but it's you know
right I think I need a tag or something
on the Adhan too like something that
says to the audience here's the funny
man I'm really working up a thirst Teddy
what's his name
why is every bartender named Teddy it's
like they breed them in somewhere in the
Midwest yeah guys want another one come
on stick with me
[Music]
okay so Shannon you're not in this part
yet okay nice camera thank you good
resale value I'm guessing Thanks
okay Jason Melissa places Brenda does
your house have any kind of alarm system
no I are you kidding wait I mean maybe
you have any big vicious dogs no but
we've got a lot of ants ants yes they're
special security ants from Argentina
uh-huh Brandon yes Jason and I are all
set okay well let's do this
action hurry up Clyde the coppers are
coming oh I can't Bonnie I can't break
and show you the car because I can't
open the door thought you were a
criminal
I am I stole his cone hairdo hi the cops
are coming Clyde hurry oh yeah cut okay
it's just cut that's it's not not
working it it doesn't look real um not
buying it gosh we really need somebody
that knows how to break into cars for
real yeah don't look at me hmm huh I
don't know the first thing about it I
just break the window really yeah well
that's very interesting I didn't think
to do that you mind saying that again
okay um well I just smashed the window
and opened the door that's the easiest
way it's I broke into mr. Lynch's car
and I took all his CDs he had a lot of
Sinatra CDs and I also broken in the
principal's car but you know she left
the door unlocked so you didn't have to
smash the window no I I guess I didn't
have to Shannon how come you do that is
she kidding I am the criminal element
I'm your worst nightmare baby it's what
I do you don't steal I do I don't play
with dolls you do you don't break into
cars I do
yeah well look I'd love to stay and chat
but my serotonin levels are kind of
nose-diving
you know I gotta get some stimuli before
I crack I'm sorry guys it's kind of
dullsville here okay good luck with this
thing guys we did it
[Applause]
[Music]
take care bye bye kids
bye I gotta go for a walk
watch it joke
coach McGuirk Brendon are you doing in
my house you're on the beach what are
you doing on my Beach Oh Beach man not
again why are you sleeping on the beach
coachmakers comedy's tough Brendon oh
wait yeah you don't look so good oh I
feel fine I actually have a pounding
headache there's a fish in my pants um
no what Brendon I can't live like this
yeah I can do stand-up without the binge
drinking or I can just stop the stand-up
do the drinking cuz I like that boy
right but you know I can't do both I got
to take a stand right in one way the
other yeah I got to take a stand yeah
hey do me a favor will you what's that
help me stand
[Music]
thank you all for coming here today we
go to school in well okay I want to
apologize for the reign of terror that
has gone on because I did not take the
proper actions what's he doing something
you should have done a long time ago
therefore I shall resign the presidency
effective at noon tomorrow tomorrow
Saturday ok noon today 2:30 all right
231 and I shall resign officially at 231
today why is Brendan resigning because
he knows it wasn't a fair election
Chanin you beat up Thurman and stuff the
ballot boxes and threatened everybody no
I didn't you didn't no well then what
happened to Thurman Thackery I don't
know maybe he fell he's a stupid clumsy
kid and so now I turn the office of the
presidency over to the man who should
have won ladies and gentlemen
Thurman Thackery not getting up
so anyway I'm still gonna resign any
questions anybody have any requests
pizza more I have no idea what that
means
next question ketchup a vegetable very
good question
ketchup is actually a fruit it's a
magical fruit but you did see all those
supplies and beat up those kids and
stole the CD yes cuz that's what I do
I'm a thug we've been over this what is
so hard for you to understand from outer
space next question yes that looks like
we've got a heckler in the audience why
don't I take off my head remove my brain
we'll start out as equals huh hello
I don't think that's a question
[Music]
so what's with the women and crying oh
man you suck yeah thanks mom
and my mother ladies and gentlemen I
remember my first drink too lady
so anyway folks yeah I remember your
first ring oh my god it really is my mom
you know what sucks worse than you what
nothing
wow this is awkward so uh all right mom
I get the point
[Music]
anyway I've been John McGuirk the soccer
comic
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