Published June 13, 2023, 2:20 p.m. by Violet Harris
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- Nickelodeon, "South Park", "Simpsons", "Family Guy".
We watched a lot of cartoons for their medical accuracy,
but now we're about to watch Cartoon Network.
Let's get started.
- [Dexter] What are these strange protrusions?
- Those protrusions might be chickenpox
caused by the virus, varicella.
Oh, and they're itchy.
That looks like chickenpox.
You wanna avoid scratching chickenpox
'cause then what you can do is create a bacterial infection
on top of the chickenpox.
- What is this pox of a chicken?
- Can we change smallpox
and chickenpox away from using the word pox?
I don't like pox.
It actually sounds like what the sound a chicken makes.
- Look at all those chickens.
- Pox, pox.
- Well, a long time ago,
a group of evil contaminated chickens escaped from jail.
- Why did the chickens have to be in jail though?
- [Dee Dee] And started to break into children's houses
where they pecked away, leaving huge itchy pimples.
And if you scratch them,
you'll turn into an evil contaminated chicken!
- Why do you have to be evil?
I guess 'cause you're pecking at kids at night.
You know they actually used to have chickenpox parties
back in the day?
They would gather the kids
into the room when one had chickenpox,
and they would have them all get it at the same time.
Because chickenpox in adulthood is much worse
than it is when you're a child.
I do not want to be an evil contaminated chicken.
- Who wants to be an evil contaminated chicken?
- Then don't scratch!
- Calamine lotion works great here.
- Dexter didn't eat his veggies.
- Is that a veggie,
or is that, like, a pine bush sitting on his thing?
- Bleh, ew!
- According to the taste bud center,
there's a decrease in my vegetable area.
In order to change the situation,
I must alter my atomic DNA structure.
This requires drastic measures.
- Dexter always is so extra.
Like, doesn't like veggies,
starts creating device to radiate his tongue
to create a better sensation for peas.
- Decided to deploy a reasonable amount
of gamma radiation, just enough to get the taste buds level.
- [Computer] Five, four, three, two, one.
- Wants to eat veggies to decrease risk of cancer,
creates device to make veggies taste better,
ends up with cancer.
We should create a meme.
I never know why in cartoons whenever there's radiation,
they show the X-rays as if we, with our eyes,
can see through people when they're radiated.
That's not how it works.
There's been people who've been exposed
to acute radiation poisoning,
like those who are involved with nuclear waste
in Chernobyl and such.
They might get really bad burns,
but they don't become see-through.
Dexter, you know, if you wanna eat more veggies,
you could just do the same thing that I did
with Ryan Trahan when I donated $100,000 to him.
I got "Eat Your Veggies" tattooed on his knee.
- I got "Eat Your Veggies" tattooed upside down
because Doctor Mike was like,
"Ryan, you can't keep doing this."
- What, eating McDonald's every single day?"
- Right, "Like, keep the lettuce on there at least."
- You can do that.
Shout out, Ryan Trahan.
- You know there's something going on
in your stomach region there? - What's going on?
- Oh, this is nothing.
It's just Perry.
Is that a teratoma?
A tumor that has multiple different cell lines in it?
By the way, when they open teratomas,
sometimes they find hair, teeth,
all these, like, weird pieces.
Some people say it's like a retained twin.
- Yes, my adorable little space parasite.
- Oh, that's a space parasite?
See, I don't know if that falls
under the International Classification of Diseases
that I've studied.
Abnormal growths on the human body need to be investigated
because anytime you have unusual abnormal growths,
that means there's some kind of cellular division happening,
and that could be a sign of cancer.
Not necessarily saying everything's cancer,
but if it's growing, it needs to be investigated.
- Ah, what are you doing?
- Apparently, I'm makin' friends.
- A parasitic relationship means that
the thing that attaches to the host
ends up harming the host for its own benefit.
On the opposite end, a symbiotic relationship
is when something attaches to the host
and actually helps it and helps itself,
like those little birds that fly around the hippos.
They're my favorite example of this.
- This is so great.
Yeah, I love sharing my nutrients.
Ah, I love how weak they make me feel.
Why didn't I get a parasite years ago?
- You know what parasite freaks me out?
Those intestinal worms that live inside your body
that end up consuming a lot of the food that you consume
and start growing massive, massive lengths.
I've seen the videos of them being taken out of individuals.
I've never taken one out on my own.
And boy, is it scary.
We do have medications to poison them
and make them fall outta your body.
But man, pinworm, hookworm.
Ah, just look at the pictures of them.
- The reason we're here is
because my mom is having a flatulent transplant today.
- A flatulent transplant.
Does that mean a fart transplant?
- The flatulum is an organ only balloons possess.
They regulate the airflow through our balloon knots.
She couldn't find a compatible donor,
so I decided to give her one of mine
- Is that like a sphincter in human terms?
- My dad's a surgeon and was due to perform the operation,
but you knocked him out when you burst through that door.
- Actually, family members shouldn't operate on one another.
They're gonna get emotional.
They're gonna make bad decisions.
- We'll save your mother!
- No, I meant you could just go down the corridor
and find another surgeon that would-
- Balloons don't have openings on their mouth,
so that's not gonna do anything.
Those are abnormal rhythms.
There's, I guess, a P wave,
but the PR interval's quite short.
There's a QRS complex,
but then the T wave (sneezes)
has a notch. (sneezes)
Oh my God.
In Russian, if you sneeze after you say something,
it means (speaks Russian),
which means that you're telling the truth.
So clearly, I'm telling the truth.
- Flatulum transplant, any ideas?
- Try this.
Ice cream cones have ribs?
- [Gumball] There, flatulum transplant!
I wanna label these.
Okay, number one, I'm gonna call that the brain.
Number two, I'm gonna call that the kidney?
No, I'm gonna call that double liver.
Number three, I'm gonna call the kidney.
Number 10, I'm gonna call that the pancreas.
Four, that should be the kidney.
Remember, kidneys filter your blood.
So when people say like, "I have a detox."
No, no, no, your kidneys are doing the detoxing
and your liver and your lungs.
- What can you see?
- Nothing, this guy's full of air.
- Let me look.
(Doctor Mike laughs)
- The most factually accurate thing that's been said
in this entire episode.
- It's all invisible.
How are we supposed to do this opera-
He gushing air everywhere!
- Oh my God, he's flatlining.
- Here, grab this flatulum.
- Got it.
- I have a hot take.
I think this is not that much more medically inaccurate
than "Grey's Anatomy".
- We're losing him!
- Give him CPR!
(fart sounds erupting)
(Doctor Mike laughs)
- It's not working.
- Then try something else!
- At least they're doing chest compressions.
They don't even do that on "Grey's Anatomy"
when there's a flatline.
- I think the anesthetic's worn off.
- How can you tell?
- My insides are pouring out!
- What do we do?
What do we do?
- Why don't you just pin him?
There you go.
You know, we actually do do that
when a patient has really bad bleeding.
I remember a gunshot wound came in
to one of the local hospitals.
I was working on a Level I trauma center,
and I had to plug his bleeding.
- What are you doing?
- Having lunch.
The operation was a complete success!
Dude, weren't you wearing a watch?
(Doctor Mike laughs)
- They made that joke
'cause some doctors actually drop objects
and close the patient up with the objects in,
but now we do a very thorough count.
We also don't wear watches when we perform surgeries.
That doesn't mean mistakes don't happen.
Instruments have been left inside patients.
Look at these scans.
- Let's start with your symptoms.
Hmm, mild fever.
- Okay, that's a good way to take a temperature.
- Glowing pink color to skin.
- Hmm, I guess that could happen.
Not glowing, but pink color to skin could happen.
- And this is your chart.
There's a clear history
of numerous fractures like here on the skull.
- Well, you know, the human skull does have sutures,
suture lines on it.
So that's normal.
- You seem to have made a series of miraculous recoveries,
but that doesn't change the fact
that you experienced trauma.
You've recovered physically,
but have you recovered mentally?
- That's actually a good question,
and I'm surprised Cartoon Network's talking about this.
- Adverse childhood experiences
or childhood trauma can have a lasting impact
on how your body responds to stress.
- Why is this so good and so accurate?
- This can affect your social, emotional,
and physical development.
- When humans are in crisis,
the brain releases the hormone, cortisol.
I wonder if your body is reacting
to a gem equivalent of cortisol.
- Oh my God, this isn't a doctor at all.
It's a fax machine.
Peewoop. (crickets chirping)
- Hello, students!
- Well, if it aint Florence Dorkendale
and Nurse Twerpenstein.
- Oh, that got me.
"Eat smart," "Silly hat day Friday."
- Nurse Assistant Ed, it seems one of our students
has yet to get his vaccination.
- Why are they trying to vaccinate Kevin only?
- Lucky for him, today's booster shot day.
- So the reason we give boosters is because
when you give a regular vaccine,
the immune system has a level of response
and some require multiple doses
in order to keep that response up
or to create a lasting response.
So we call that a booster.
- It's no big deal, dude.
It's just a dumb needle.
- He's experiencing some hyper perspiration there.
That's quite concerning.
- Stick out your arm, ya big baby.
- No way!
Back off, man!
- And why does this shot have a golf club at the bottom?
Where are you gonna insert that, champ?
- Hold it right there, mister.
I should've known you'd exploit-
- I've never seen a human being
in the medical profession wear a white coat
with a tie over it, that is being held on by the ID tag.
Out of all the ridiculous things we're about
to see in this "Ed, Edd n Eddy" clip,
that's the most ridiculous.
- The nurse thanks you, Eddy.
- Oh yeah?
- For helping Kevin conquer his fear
of needles by letting him witness the safe
and easy administration of a real booster shot.
- Oh no, you don't!
- See, as a doctor, I get mad at clips like this
'cause now they're scaring children.
They're putting in their head that they should be scared
of vaccines, but they shouldn't be.
They're very benign, and I make it fun.
Like, I do the whole airplane thing like this doctor.
- Is it that bad?
- Yes. - Yes.
- What is that?
- Maybe if we draw a little
face on it? - Cold sore?
Pimple? - No, it's still bad.
- I don't know what I'm looking at.
Is it on the eye?
Is it a stye?
Is it on the lip?
- I've got it under control.
I looked online for natural remedies,
and I found this root.
All I have to do
is rub it on my face, - It looks like ginger.
- and it'll take the swelling down overnight.
- So you know what that could be?
That could be a blocked salivary gland,
and there could be a salivary gland stone.
In those cases, we actually prescribe a patient
to suck on lemon drops 'cause that forces
more secretion to come out.
The treatment is called sialogogue.
- [Computerized Voice] Sialogogue.
- But it doesn't need to be a drug.
It could just be a lemon drop.
- Ew. - Ew.
Dude, that root did not help.
(Doctor Mike laughs)
- It's worse than ever!
- What are those?
Are those fingers?
- That reminds me of that clip
of the guy looking at the shoes.
"What are those?"
- [Boy] What are those?
- Those are my chanclas!
- You did this?
- Doctor Princess!
- Do you know what it means
that she's hooked up to these?
Do you even know what that one does?
- I don't know what any of these things are,
'cause I would think that's a respiratory machine,
but then it has some sort of, like, EKG-wannabe thing
that's not really an EKG.
There's a toothbrush.
The patient's not even really intubated. (laughs)
They just have an oxygen mask on.
- [Doctor Princess] And the creepy breathing one?
And that yucky dripping bag?
- Well, that dripping bag is probably an IV,
but it should be a little higher up.
- I'll do anything to help Susan.
- Good, 'cause I'm tired of doing double shifts.
Put this on.
- That's not how it works in hospitals.
Although, on July 1st when all the new residents come in,
that is how it works.
- The truth is,
I'm not technically a doctor.
I don't even have a medical degree.
I just came in here one day for an X-ray,
and my first name is Doctor, so, well.
(Doctor Mike laughing)
- That was unexpected.
- Okay, where's the next patient?
- In here, Doctor.
- [Patient] My toes tastes like candy corn.
Is that bad?
- The fact that you're tasting your toes
is probably worse than the fact
that it tastes like candy corn.
(bones cracking) (Ice King screams)
- How do you feel, Ice King?
- This looks like those miracle chiropractors
on TikTok that are just like,
"Oh, your allergies are bad?"
- It's really over.
I get this pain in my paw,
- and it just stays in my paw.
- Oh my God, the fox has a thorn in its paw, slash hand,
'cause it has fingers. (laughs)
Wow, you're a healing genius, Doc.
- You know what's funny, that even bad doctors get a lot
of credit because if a bad doctor gives you wrong advice,
you're still probably gonna heal anyway,
'cause the human body's amazing like that.
So even bad doctors have good outcomes.
Sad to say.
Why is it that whenever I see a food court, I get excited?
I've eaten at the fanciest restaurants in New York City,
across the world, but food courts at malls, I get hyped.
Comment down below, what's your favorite type
of food, cuisine to get at a food court?
For me, I don't know why, Chinese food.
Lo mein, vegetable fried rice, General chicken.
Oh, General Tso's!
- So what can I get you?
- The Death Sandwich. - The Death Sandwich.
- That sounds spicy.
I'm thinking capsaicin level a billion.
- To receive the Death Sandwich
you must first sign this waiver of death.
- Yeah, sure, why not? - Let's do it.
- I don't think you're allowed to sign a paper like that.
We have to check with LegalEagle of course,
but when it says something like, "You can't sue me,"
that is not specific enough
and too broad to be constitutionally allowable,
or should I say, legally allowable.
I think that won't hold up in court.
I think if it said that, "You can't sue me
if something negative happens to your health
from eating Death Sandwich," then maybe.
- Remember, if you don't eat it right, you die.
- Yeah, yeah.
Wear a mullet and jean shorts, we got it.
- We're in a mall with jean shorts?
- [Sam] Wear a mullet and jean shorts.
(Doctor Mike laughs)
- Looks like it's time for a little payback.
Let's see how they like it
when somebody steals their sandwich.
- Honestly, I think if a gumball machine swallows a piece
of gum, it does stay in its system for seven years,
'cause no one uses gumball machines anymore.
So maybe that's what grandma was talking about.
- His only chance of survival now
is to see my sensei, the Grand Master of Death Kwon Do.
- So, he's gonna give him milk?
- He is the protector of the Sandwich of Life.
- What's the Sandwich of Life?
- It is the only known cure for the Death Sandwich.
- It's like anti-venom.
- One bite from the sandwich will cure him instantly.
- All right, let's do this.
- He looks like he's fine though.
Like, I don't know how you check the vitals
of a gumball machine, but he looks fine.
- Come on!
- This is so weird. (laughs)
Honestly, these days, all these, like,
pseudo experts that are selling
all their miracle supplements,
they should just start selling a miracle sandwich.
Call it, like, a Super Food Miracle Detox Sandwich Cure.
If you like Cartoon Network,
you gotta check out the Nickelodeon ones
and tell me what you think of those.
Click here to check it out.
As always, stay happy and healthy.
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