THESE 5 MINUTE CRAFTS BROKE MY WILL TO LIVE

the hell am I doing what's up weirdos

and weirdo Nation new haircut new

haircut got got some layers got some

texture got a little bit of bangs but

the thing about this hair is it gets me

in the mood to do some crafts it gets me

you see that say what you know when

you're scrolling online and you see some

craft or DIY video normally I just

scroll past those but lately I've been

looking at them and some of the stuff

that they're doing is like insane and

not like oh that's so crazy like what

the hell are you doing so I saved a

bunch of just the dumbest stupidest most

dumbest dumbest basically I found the

weirdest ones that I could and we're

gonna watch them and then actually try

to follow along

foreign

I saw because I thought maybe it was

going to be some cool nail tutorial no

oh my God I want to use a colored pencil

but I don't know how what am I supposed

to do hold it in the hand how do you

even hold it oh I could just Gloom to my

fingers thanks five minute crafts these

videos are designed for the characters

and The infomercials in the before

section

but let's keep going we gotta watch all

the ones that I'm about to do

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potentially the dumbest thing I've ever

seen in my life oh my God how do I hold

my suitcase by the handle no that won't

work let me melt some plastic on it so I

can hold on to that and also

conveniently cover up the only way that

it's able to open you can't open that

there's a handle on the bottom side and

it opens from the top the top that you

just plastic welded shut now that's a

life hack

that's me I always walk around busting

my ass and my first thought is slippers

hell no hot glue on my socks those are

like the socks that you get at those

trampoline parks and you know what they

say about that when you're having

intercourse I'll be like Spider-Man with

my feet on the walls I've never had sex

but I imagine grippy socks would help I

imagine

is that why people go to the psych ward

to have cool sex when they get home

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what the hell is wrong with these people

what the hell you know it could be a fun

craft just mutilating a dead fish just

kind of according we're not doing that

one that's disgusting God but the idea

of just interesting shape

a young serial killer that was filming

that during an episode and was just like

oh uh how are we gonna use this

interesting shape

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

so you ruined the butt of your pants and

then you ruin the back of a denim jacket

and that's the craft do you see what I

mean what's going on in these people's

minds these are all from the same

account by the way this person has lost

it it's Punk no that's true it's pretty

Punk it's pretty punk rock kind of

pierced my nose really quick

and that's punk rock

[Music]

oh my God that's what my hair has been

needing this hair is trash without a

feather if I put a feather in this maybe

then I would look handsome oh my God but

that's also the whole craft I thought

okay that's step one to something no

just feather on hair

no genuinely the craft is run over half

of a cucumber in your car and then shove

it in a bucket that's leaking it seems

like it's coming at it from a

problem-solving thing like oh you got a

hole in your bucket but then the

solution is run over half of a cucumber

and then shove the half you did nothing

to in the bucket why'd you run over the

Cucumber why can't you just put your

hand on it why is it got to be a

cucumber is this a code is this like the

Winter Soldier type [ __ ] longing rusted

furnace Daybreak you say that and then

show a cucumber getting shoved into a

bucket that's leaking Goodbye World

Trade Centers

stop that's an incredible idea we are

100 doing that oh your feet a little

whack shove some motion on that and

shove him in a condom if to be the first

time I it would as far as far as you

just take a deep breath say it with

confidence and they'll believe that you

had sex and they'll think you're cool

it'll be the first time I use a condom

because of I don't I never even use one

because I go [ __ ]

now normally I would say that's not

interesting or crazy enough to include

in this episode but it's crushing canes

with a [ __ ] gun

and it's called a [ __ ] gun we're going

nuts with that [ __ ] and that's a

homophone and on this channel we are

homophonic not

[Music]

oh I don't want to say it but

is that Vore is Vore when something's

real big and like inflated or is that

inflation a different thing explain it

in the comments because I don't want to

Google it because I don't want to see

the images but I think that that's what

this is feeding into so we're gonna do

it foreign

[Music]

now you tell me why were all those AI

images at the end that's the owner of

five minute crafts going you know what

let me show the people that I'm a bad

[ __ ] and you are listen listen you're a

Lady Gaga esque bad [ __ ] and I'm not

gonna say Bargain Bin Gaga because why

the hell would you ever say Bargain been

anything to anybody basically stop

saying I'm Bargain Bin Joyce buyers I

just look like her but yeah that's a new

outfit just a bunch of stuffed animals

double taped to your body

all right let's do it but first I this

is irritating I gotta rip it out

oh my God okay well here we go

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and let it cook is it working is it

working set one Bluetooth we got this

camera set up right here for action

shots don't screenshot that coming up

first obviously we're gonna be doing

some Vore or is what I don't know what

it's called I also don't know how this

works but as long as I can get a tube

shoved inside of this

crocodile we're gonna be good oh that's

fun ASMR

cry again

there's a little thing right here maybe

I gotta maybe gotta break this little

like thing out this thing

yeah that felt like the right thing to

do okay so it says I shake this thing

hard for 30 seconds

I guess I'm just gonna stab it with a

pencil to make a little hole for the

phone to go in we have entered the

crocodile ew it's got like powder in

there I just shove it in oh there we go

there we go oh oh and I shook it I guess

I just squeezed the trigger I don't know

oh

[Music]

ew wait a minute

that's just gas okay letting the air out

okay now it's just fun oh it smells like

a Home Depot

well okay there's that one I guess to

finish the craft I gotta stab it

that doesn't feel right

yeah yeah yeah sick so I guess I would

give crocodile inflation fetish

five bags of popcorn you're going in the

trash though oh my hands got all icky

and sticky is this is this one of those

things that you should be using with

gloves

this feels yeah my hands are [ __ ] uh

so I guess in the future if I'm working

with toxic chemicals I should use gloves

I don't know if you can tell it just got

residue sticking all over me

okay I don't know how clearly you can

tell but I've been washing my hands for

literally 10 minutes straight and

apparently the stuff I was using is like

a foaming sealant so it like bonds to

whatever it touches so anytime I try to

wash my hands and dry them off it sticks

to whatever I'm trying to dry it off

with and the water doesn't know anything

so uh great way to start off the video

uh well uh five minute craft one is down

and uh my fingers will be like this for

days according to the internet yeah and

that's not skin that's the foam itself

so fun but at this point you know what

would really cheer me up

Top Gun

I just uh I just uh shove a can here in

my handy dandy [ __ ] gun and

[Music]

I thought that would be more exciting

uh so it's supposed to work like

I squeeze this and then this gets

further down I'm spilling everywhere ew

and so why is it not working when the

Cane's in there the thing that I'm

trying to crush oh is it because I'm

stupid oh it was because I'm stupid

I'm beginning to think that these

five-minute crafts aren't as good as

they look online the hell is this how

did they make [ __ ] guns stupid I'm gonna

give this one

two bags of popcorn it would have been

the bare minimum of one but I at least

got to say [ __ ] going

my white ass always cleans up after

myself

stupid I was really looking forward to

those two and they just they just turned

me around and spitting on my bare butt

cheeks and got foam all over my fingers

for the next five days God It's Time to

whip out the big guns this is gonna be a

heavy duty craft a craft for badasses I

could have gotten any suitcase but I got

a shark cause I'm a badass oh how am I

gonna carry this how am I gonna kiss by

this handle no

I'm gonna make a handle for the thing

that has a handle but this handle is

gonna make me not able to open it

I should not be allowed to buy things

online like a heat gun I'll [ __ ] kill

somebody with this

likely myself instructions that sounds

like a [ __ ] game I'm gonna use

Machinery that could give me bodily harm

without knowing how to use it

so what I think I just let this heat up

for a bit and then I got my plastic rods

over here and I guess I just shove them

together

um I gotta set this down to open this do

I

that's stupid

wait a minute the plastic rods they had

on theirs were way thicker so I guess

I'll I'll start with one I'll start with

one and then go from there

ow ow that's my thingies I think oh yeah

that's melting that's melting that's

melting and then I shove it

is that how you do it and then wait for

it to cool off Mark two should I be

pointing the heat gun at myself

how do I do this ah [ __ ] that car fell

off too now God dang it and then and

then I turn this off so I don't kill

anybody and then I let it let it cool

down and it should be it should be it

should be A-Okay online this plastic

says that it's specifically for these

like heat welding type things

oh [ __ ]

yeah there we go there we go Electric

Tools technology sounds like it's for

those cute little fem boys with their

cute little hands and faces duct tape is

how real men are thick stuff this is

what I could have done okay oh who's so

sick what are we doing

what are we doing why did I get this why

did I buy this I'm gonna go ahead and

give it

five bags of popcorn I think that was I

think that one was a pretty good one and

at the end of the day it's a shark

suitcase okay now let's just do this one

because nothing could possibly be

disappointing about putting a feather in

my hair the sentence itself already

disappointed me but I already bought it

so

yeah you don't even [ __ ] see it

Booyah that's five minute crafts oh it's

so fire you know what this calls for

this calls for a celebration let me put

my feet in condoms why is that one of

these crafts all right let's put these

bad boys on camera

I should probably blur this huh at least

for the lotioning part because when I

put my bare ass on Instagram which by

the way I posted my bear house on

Instagram thank you for 100 000

subscribers but normally my posts get

like you know 100 maybe 150 bookmarks my

bare butt cheeks got this many so that's

a little bit unsettling okay there we go

feet lotioned up now obviously the next

thing you gotta do here according to

five minute crafts is put condoms on

them

why uh ladies if a guy ever said that

he's too big to fit into one of these

just send him this video actually don't

send him videos of my bare feet

[Music]

ow

[Music]

oh

my God I thought that'd be funny but

then it just shot a bunch of condom

breath I packed on my lungs oh Gustav

why do you want to get involved in the

video now

[Music]

why

you know what

five bags of popcorn for this one four

because that one broke see if I can be

agile in this one though

back well that one broke y'all what are

we

okay here we go

okay I got a bucket of water oh no it's

overflowing no no I'm just gonna go

ahead and shove my handy dandy crocodile

in here and and and now I can carry my

small little bucket

unimpeded I actually did a great job on

actually really proud of myself I'm like

Bob the Builder but instead of building

I

put condoms on my feet so I guess this

is what happens I hit 200 000

subscribers and then I have a mental

breakdown what's the one thing that's

going to make me feel better

shoving paint on my ass and then sitting

on a jacket

we'll see okay so I switched into some

shorts that I don't wear and I'm going

to rub paint on my ass and then sit on a

jacket uh so I'm going with pink because

that's what they used in the video I

don't know I guess that's enough I've

never asked stamped before

this seems stupid

hell am I doing there's doctors in the

world people people do things let me

stamp with my ass huh

and then we wait

awesome just

just awesome but it's not done yet so

let's let's finish it so right here I've

got a acrylic painting glitter pen and

this is really just to provide some

definition to my asprint

you get this [ __ ] to come out oh great

it's coming all right all right all

right let's get a nice top-down shot of

this this guy is saying what's wrong

this guy is saying I wish I was never

born the second guy is me right now I

wish I was never born I'm just joking

I'm joking it's a joke I'm gonna give

this one five bags of popcorn and I know

you're wondering now what's next well so

what's next I'm gonna I'm gonna tape the

teddy bears to this

twerked on them hands on my knees

shaking ass on my thought [ __ ] big old

bag of these [ __ ]

oh [ __ ] I stabbed a couple in the face

oh my God how do they all fit in this

Royal a devil style me and my homies we

don't [ __ ] with Cruella Deville I'm

gonna watch that Disney plus Emma Stone

propaganda [ __ ] oh she had a sad

life and she was emo uh she killed dogs

and skinned them [ __ ] it's so [ __ ]

thick look how thick this [ __ ] is I'm

not the thickest tape you've ever seen

in your entire life oh my God yeah yeah

tape it where you want it taped right

here for me on my my Gentleman body and

then you remove a little top layer of

filament interesting

okay

I just shoved these on

so they don't stick

might not be as pretty but it gets the

job done because apparently five minute

crafts is just a bunch of liars trying

to manipulate and deceive me I genuinely

thought that this was going to be the

dumbest one but just if you're ever

feeling down

Quick Draw squeezable

Quick Draw cuddle oh you're sad because

your five minute crafts video turned

into just depression quick cuddle oh

you're sad because nothing is working

out the way you hoped it would quick

cuddle what their problem was was in

marketing this as fashion this is

depression Aid and honestly honestly

honestly kind of fire I'm gonna keep

going on this one side though I wanna I

wanna have I want to have my depressed

side and my happy side and you know what

double-sided tape maybe maybe it could

look better for the aesthetic but it's

impossible I guarantee you they sewed

their [ __ ] on you think depression wants

to come and fight a guy who's got this

on oh I feel better go stop if you take

away my one thing that was making me

happy I'm going to lose my mind because

look at that stop please stop

is it fire oh look at him he's just got

a denim jacket he must be so sad oh he's

so happy and he can have any quick

cuddles he needs I'm gonna give this one

five bags of popcorn and that's the five

minute crafts that's the crafts that I

had I spent so much money on all these

supplies and nothing worked everything

was just complete garbage but maybe the

real friends we made along the way or

the lessons we that we learned and maybe

the enjoyment doesn't always have to be

in the success maybe it can be in the

failures and that's something I can

think about while cuddling my depression

Half Jacket cold teddy bear get up

Ensemble once again I just wanted to

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here's the thing y'all I had high hopes

for this video and I think the video

itself is gonna be good

I just cannot believe how much they

failed in these ways I was expecting

like oh it's funny because these things

are so stupid and impractical you can't

even do half this [ __ ] what's the point

what's the point why are you making

video