Mentality | Mental Health Documentary

foreign

I literally thought I was losing my mind

arms would go numb my hearing actually

would become muffled

you have a sense of you're in a dream

you can't breathe you have chest pains

you might tremble you sweat

you just feel really bad you might feel

like an impending sense of Doom

I get really bad anxiety if I don't

do certain things in a certain way

you want to be productive and you want

to get all of these things done but then

at the same time you find yourself very

distracted and this self-wallow of like

I can't really do anything

I didn't feel in control when it came to

my thoughts I was impulsive lying a lot

I felt absolutely hopeless I didn't

think that there was a way to feel

better I didn't think that I wanted to

feel better

[Music]

it's really hard to talk about even to

this day our traditional ways of

hospitalizing people it's not working

mental illness and poverty those things

kill you meds at one point were like

four thousand a month the whole Asylum

and people being restrained and locked

up is not what we do now mental illness

is real our suicide rates are higher

than they've ever been people who have

mental illness die sooner so people are

dying

people think that you look at somebody

and can see they've got a problem

people have mental illness and they look

like normal people

couldn't afford the house couldn't

afford to take care of my

micro people's minds break they break

the cranberries and Behavioral Health

how can I help you hi Carmen Dr latia

you praised me I have a 23 year old

female in the emergency room who is

suicidal she overdosed on approximately

40 Cymbalta tablets she does have a

history of cutting she recently started

seeing Dr Ingram outpatient firstly poor

appetite her UDS was negative uh her

alcohol level was 0.059 at 11 30 a.m she

has no significant medical issues could

I get um admission orders for her

no no no no no no

no no no no no

one more time

what is that uh giant pumpkin or what's

her name yeah they're outside in the

Paris we used to sit right yeah

very very good actually

my father he wanted one of us to become

an actor my dream was always to be a

writer and a film director actually but

then I got into medical school

and then I I found out that medicine is

something that I I like and Psychiatry

is something that is my passion

yeah and this is peppers with tofu

because my son is vegan older one taking

care of the brain the mind the

psychosocial stressors and and and

hearing the compassion means that's what

Psychiatry is in my opinion okay let's

let's eat

I have two persons my writing and and

psychiatry

hopefully through this medium this

documentary we can actually let the

people know to bring

your family members right away don't

waste time you could just like somebody

had a heart attack and if they need a

stent placement or a bypass surgery

you have to bring them right away if

somebody has a first psychotic break or

a first manic break they need to come

right away

foreign

at first you don't know where it's

coming from

for me A lot of times it happened

driving down the road

so imagine you're cruising down the road

70 miles an hour enjoying the good song

then all of a sudden

you can't hear your arms are numb you

can't breathe you you're convinced

you're dying having a stroke or you're

going to lose your mind right there

and there's no safe place to go other

than the shoulder of the road

and that's the type of fear that people

live with that have it they know that

when it comes on it's a trauma every

time you get re-traumatized with each

panic attack and I think that's how the

disorder develops

once you've had one then you have

another that kind of snowball

I was feeling so so dark and nasty

inside that I was you know seeking out

situations that would would take that

feeling outside so that I could

rationalize it so that I could say well

this is why I don't feel good so a lot

of hopelessness a lot of impulsiveness

a loss of rationality a loss of sense of

self

it's mind-boggling it's frustrating it's

amazing at times it's almost like being

in this like very toxic friendship

you're like oh my God yeah let's go do

all of these things and you're like oh

my God I have all of these other things

at home that I should be doing and

you're just like I'm having fun with my

friend though and my friend is ADHD

what will happen to Fred now what

happens to all of them the men and women

from every Walk of Life who each year

pass through doors like this into the

Mental Hospitals of our land 3 200 men

and women all gathered together in a

modern mental institution a city in

itself complete with every facility for

effective treatment a favorable

environment and human Comforts are

essential in any therapeutic system

thank you

foreign

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a gross disorganization of the usual

patterns and for some reason we don't

understand when the patient recovers

from the treatment they seem to be in a

better State of Mind

you know in the good old days you would

hear yeah my my grandmother was in

Traverse City State Hospital that she

died there you know we hear that I've

got one schizophrenic because the

grandmother died there as a society we

have little tolerance for bizarre

behavior so we build huge institutions

and look away

if we look at all the countries any

country you go to the Old State

hospitals they're terrible they look

like lepers colonies

no one seems to think that Mental

Hospitals are the answer at best they're

a holding operation until we think of

something better

about 60 years ago there was very few

medications

we really didn't have very much

treatment as far as psychopharmaculty

was concerned even Psychotherapy was not

very well evolved you know in the past

they used to do lower Tummy in some

patients patients used to get restrained

sometimes they would lock the patients

in a room for example a bipolar patients

with Manic they would just lock them

previously a very severe bipolar or

schizophrenic

there was no way they would be

maintained in the community because

there was not very many medications but

they got a safe place to go but they

were locked there they didn't even have

a lot of visiting hours

and even if there was very little

visiting hours the family wouldn't want

to come it's like out of sight out of

mind

they used to be called asylums and that

imagine that history is with people even

now

my aunt I feel really bad for her

because when her mental illness first

started she did go into the state

hospital right away and I'm not sure how

long she was in there but once she got

out my grandparents kept her at home

she didn't work anymore she didn't go

out on dates anymore she just her life

became centered around this mental

illness

talking to my dad one day he said they

never told us about that because they

didn't want to burden us as kids and I

think it's something that you need to

talk about mental illness is real

it's something that all of us can suffer

from

[Music]

when I was a kid we used to go to

Traverse City the snowmobile races and I

remember how spooky that hospital was

nobody in the community

even wanted to talk about it because you

know we'd ask a lot of questions as kids

it was spooky huge fence around it you

never saw people you didn't see anyone

outside you know it'd be in the summer

and there's no one it looked like a

prison

[Music]

it was voluntary I mean this wasn't a

slave's labor like people in town were

eventually talking about

shape

this is not like the Disney World that

you are taking the tour okay these are

real patients who were there so you need

to just tell them that this is what

happened those kind of tools you know

they need to be more sensitive to that

somebody has a family member who has

serial illness so they themselves have a

severe illness then they feel they feel

they feel terrible about those jokes

they don't like those jokes

foreign

from all the primary care physicians and

they will tell me and they will use the

words like this patient you know he's

really a cuckoo

and and I tell them I tell them I said

don't use that word although he said oh

the patient is not here I said no but

don't use that word

you can use words like I think he's

psychotic or he's depressed but don't

use those words

have you ever worked in a mental

hospital before

oh sure I know all about Looney bands

we'd prefer to think of this as a

hospital where we treat sick people

well I didn't mean nothing

no I realize you didn't

a lot of people they said you know man I

had a panic attack today I forgot my

lunch money or I locked my keys in my

car I think that that is so overused

it's a little bit insulting because if

people understand a clinical panic

attack it has nothing to do with

willpower it has nothing to do with

whether you're masculine or feminine

a panic attack has to do with brain

chemistry

I encounter professionals who don't know

that I have a diagnosis

and

it's almost like being a fly on the wall

because I've heard some

really wild things said about BPD when

the Assumption was that there was no one

with it in the room a lot of people say

oh I'm gonna go kill myself and I

realize like how offensive and how

hurtful that could be and a lot of

people just say oh I have anxiety when

they're just feeling anxious in the

moment when someone has gotten to know

me when a co-worker has gotten to know

me and said something ill-informed about

borderline personality disorder all it

has taken me is to say

I have borderline personality disorder

and I've even been told well you don't

seem like you have BPD well what is it

what does that look like even that

that's that sensitivity I mean I have to

be honest about it it takes some time

for like it took a lot of time for me to

learn that sensitivity with the words

that I use or or about the way I

approach a patient

or even the family members

um it takes some time but it has to be

there

Hi how are you doing when I first

started having my problems I would get

Manic and then I would be depressed and

it cycled it cycled like every three or

four days it was like being on a roller

coaster when I was manic I couldn't

sleep and I couldn't eat and then

because you don't sleep I crashed I

would be in bed for three or four days

and how do you take care of children

when that's what's going on with you

if things go all right uh in life I can

navigate through it and don't be so down

you know uh I don't have to have

medication

people don't really know that living

with pain is just it's just unbearable

it's unbearable

it was very very difficult because I had

no idea what was happening to me the

high high high and that's when I did the

things that were absolutely not me

hypersexuality drinking more alcohol

I had an affair feeling that

someone cared about me since I didn't

really care about myself

and knowing that that was wrong I didn't

want to do it I love my family

um love my children to death but I it's

like I had no control whatsoever I've

been in therapy and had this since 1976

probably and it's taken me

probably 30 35 years to get past that

guilt

I don't have the medicine uh that I need

because

the co-payment on one of the medicines

that did work was 125 in dollars

which which actually is kind of stupid

because you would forfeit

125 whereas the actual medical with

Medicare pays for is 700 for a refill so

I can't afford that

that's gonna cost me you know but uh but

I'm on disability because of anxiety uh

bipolar depression you know and then a

lot of times I think if if things were

okay I won't have the problem

you know one of the first things I hear

from a lot of people is that they're

stressed about money

but directly because they don't have

enough to cover their basic needs or

indirectly like well I I can't afford to

keep a car so I can't get to a job so I

can't this and I can't that that's like

the first or second thing out of most

people's mouths when they come in

who

in that situation is going to say well

let's tack on a massive medical bill for

me to walk into a hospital with this

crisis and then to see a doctor and then

to see a counselor and then to pick up

meds every month it seems insurmountable

in the 70s it was like 1977 there wasn't

help like there is now I did end up in

mental health in Saginaw for several

days

didn't help they did a lot of shock

therapy on patients and they would come

back and they would just set like

zombies for a couple of days and I

thought oh my gosh this is going to be

me if I can't straighten my life out

more than 100

000 people are shocked every year

this woman is about to get a series of

treatments she is in her early 30s

married the mother of two children and

she's depressed

I know in India they used to do it as

outpatient so it was not even done in an

operating room many countries it was

done in an outpatient so there will be

30 people waiting outside and the

psychiatrist will be waiting there with

an assistant with the electrodes like

okay I'm good I'm going to burst 30

people today and they they used to use

that word before very Loosely if a

patient is waiting in the line it looked

like it's a slaughterhouse you know

although we know that ECT works very

very well the whole protocol of how to

do the ECT has gone through a lot of

revisions in my opinion it's like really

giving a jump start to the brain it

actually increases the permeability of

the membrane so when you take a

medication it takes some time easy to

does so we see robust response with

ecity but uh that visual has still stuck

we always are struggling with that

I don't think they really knew how to

deal

with people back then and

um so the big thing was oh you just need

more sex it's like no because that's the

last thing that I wanted I just I didn't

feel worthy to be even touched and it's

like no that's you know so I didn't stay

with him for sure and there just wasn't

the psychiatrist around that were able

to help people that was a psychiatrist

that was a psychiatrist

so I thought well that's definitely not

where I'm going

[Music]

I think one of the saddest things I see

as parents with kids not helping them

become a part of the community so the

community can open their world up do you

mind uh your mother talking for you

that's fine yeah

yeah is it is it just easier sometimes

the easier

the lying words don't come out of my

mouth

[Music]

so you were saying that there were some

medical professionals who wanted to put

Nathan away yeah because they stayed it

was it was in 2005 I couldn't get really

really those old records I did talk to

them and he remembers that that

um that everybody in the universe

yes and I remember doctor telling me

that he never felt that he'd be able to

get him under control with medications

that he was going to need to be

institutionalized

foreign

we're going to place him in Cairo during

that first admission because for some

reason they thought he was homeless and

had no support and it was like no no no

we're gonna work on the medications this

is the story of an incredibly persistent

mother

incredible really this is

exceeded everything

to fight it's I think only mothers can

do this

yeah it worked

the Community Mental Health movement

started in 63. President Kennedy signed

the CMH act the Community Mental Health

act in 63 which initially gave Federal

funding to sites throughout the country

not very ubiquitous though they were in

in Michigan about 11 sites

and then over time to be frank Federal

funding abated mostly because of the

Vietnam War

and so what happens states start to step

up and then the 70s and 80s the state

realized people didn't need to be

medically incarcerated in State Mental

Hospitals so they could begin to live

lives that are falling fully in the

community so the cmh's were the ideal

support mechanism

all right so sure every door has to be

for the safety so like anytime you guys

walk out just close it

feel like you're at a place where people

are going to be kind warm that type of

thing especially if you've never been in

a mental health unit it is the most

scariest thing you can go through

because the stigma of mental health is

what is our hardest barrier

difference

as far as the hospitals go I think

they're trying to make improvements so

you're not seeing people just locked up

forever a local community hospital like

McLaren Bay region has a behavioral

health unit where people come and they

stay in the hospital and the goal of

that type of a hospital is let's get

them in they might be having suicidal

thoughts maybe they're having homicidal

thoughts

um but they're not safe to be out in the

community at that point a danger to

themselves or a danger to someone else

so we get them into the hospital we get

them stabilized on their medication

and then they get to go home again

[Music]

and how is she presenting right now in

the emergency room she's surrounded by

family

okay so this is very very depressed

and yes there's clearly some stressors

but she's not she's not forthright with

what they are right now okay but but she

is agreeing to sign voluntarily so we do

not have to petition her or anything

okay so you know admit under Dr Nicholas

diagnosis major depression voluntary

patient

she has no home meds so we will not give

anything but she has been drinking quite

a bit of alcohol it looks like so let's

start on the Alcohol detox protocol with

sedex okay and we will give held or five

milligram pure IM q6 hours PRN and

visceral 50 milligram poq6 hours PRN and

voluntary patient admit under Dr

Nicholas and that's about it

thank you so much

my contact with them

is that someone concerned about them

petitions the court saying

my son my nephew my father

is behaving erratically threatening that

he's going to commit suicide so someone

in the family files a petition saying

this person needs mental health help but

won't seek it and doesn't appreciate

that they need the help the petition

brings them to the hospital's attention

and gets them examined then an attorney

must call on them that's where I come in

come in explain what's happening to them

explain their rights and at that point

the patient has the opportunity to put

themselves back on the path of a

voluntary patient they can sign what's

called a request to defer their hearing

that is Set It Off indefinitely and give

them a chance to follow up on their

mental health treatment voluntarily

[Music]

we have to be upfront with them right in

the beginning and it's really hard you

know to tell them that their mother

petitioned them to come into the

department and then the doctor certified

that they agreed with it so that's often

difficult but I tell you one thing they

don't leave mad

our patients don't leave upset they

don't leave mad they leave grateful and

that's probably the easiest part is to

see when you see somebody come in so

upset and angry that they were admitted

to a mental health unit and you get to

see them walk out

thank you for the help that you gave me

it's a nice feeling

thank you

this is what we do usually

this is two or three minutes of Warriors

man

because you know we have five admissions

in the night which the I can't spend

like a lot of time and I don't need to

the decision I have to make is whether I

admit or not admit whether it's a

voluntary patient or petition the

family's supportives is agreeing to come

in we'll start the detox from alcohol

and then once we

evaluate her and we start on the

antidepressant and other things and now

our major depression is the biggest

diagnosis on the unit here

and psychosis is another huge one

psychosis is the most heavily diagnosed

in the whole hospital because there's

just so many things that can cause

psychosis it doesn't always have to be

mental illness it could be your blood

sugar uncontrolled and you're not

thinking correctly so a lot of times

when we go down on screen those are the

things that we have to evaluate you know

is this medical issue because you

certainly don't want to put somebody in

a mental health unit when they're really

suffering from a medical emergency

that's related to their physical health

versus their mental so that's why we do

What's called the screen and we evaluate

the patient before they come into the

unit what do you have before the mural

so the concern was that painting nothing

so it was just it was yeah it wasn't

yeah it was ugly how about that so out

and I want it to be I wanted it to feel

like you were just getting therapy you

know like if you have to go to a retreat

what does that feel like you know you

want to see pretty pictures and where

you feel like you're not somewhere where

you can't leave

sanctuary

Refuge hospital this is no snake pit

the doors are locked but it's not a

prison that we enter

for these locks are meant to protect

patients

[Music]

no longer able to take care of

themselves they depend on others to help

them live from day to day

[Music]

[Music]

a state hospital if you think about it

provides food clothing shelter

incredibly High Staffing ratios

and there was a time where State

hospitals made a lot of sense the

medications were nowhere near as good as

they are now and they were really

expensive now people through Medicaid

coverage and even not Medicaid can get

really good psychotropic medication to

live in the community the supports are

really good we can help people with

housing employment they can get what are

called natural supports they can live

with their parents their friends their

roommates people buy their own homes get

get jobs none of which could have

happened in the state mental hospital so

the only downside of course is that in

the State Mental Hospital you're

protected from homelessness you tend to

have a job of some type

in the community those are harder to

come by and if you live in poverty you

know there's a low income housing

shortage and it's hard to get employment

if you're disabled

landlord called me and said that they're

thinking

about buying the building

so for me to come and sign the lease

because Holly if you don't sign a lease

they can get rid of you the next month

and this is true and that did happen so

here you got people that bought the

building and then the next month these

people have to get out

each and every one of my neighbors

I'm seeing them leave

it was awful it's an awful nightmare

my increase would have been close to 300

for four months and then five hundred

dollars

after the four months

and don't think a day go past I don't

think

October the first was the time when they

said that I would be

having to get out of my apartment

and then I know it's silly but then

yesterday I said how many more months I

got till this lease is up and then

sometimes I think what if the the owners

of the old place coming by this place

too so I do still I have a lot of

anxiety about that

this is just some of my Wonder Woman

stuff

I've got

Wonder Woman lava lamp

Wonder Woman Gal Gadot like you would

buy in the store not Barbie brand when I

grew up in the very fundamentalist

charismatic movement as a kid

I think I didn't have a full-blown panic

attack

but I had something akin to it we went

to see a play called judgment morning

Ministries she had endeavored to train

the child

he's of the Lord

well let's see what happened to them on

Judgment Day

and these people would they were a

traveling troop and they would go from

church to church

the play opens up and you can see Heaven

on one side people are dressed as Angels

very smoky and it looked beautiful

but the other half of the stage was dark

and they play this ominous sound

and the Darkness actually opened up and

Men came out dressed as demons

they had skull faces and it was just

black lights and the red it looked like

real fire behind them

and even as a kid I had that same

numbness that I couldn't articulate at

the time I just I grabbed a hold of my

mom and I whispered in her ear I said I

can't stay in here it makes me kind of

feel bad for that little boy I mean I

was

I knew I knew who I was

a very bad experience one of my patients

stopped the medications because the

family said that you don't get

medications and God will save you and he

had a very serious suicide attempt he

almost died thank God he survived but uh

that actually really opened the eyes of

the whole family uh I got another

patient a gay man he killed himself

because they try to convert him

and I'm just going to show you I'm not

ashamed

as a kid growing up

when other kids were when we'd play War

they'd have guns my first grade teacher

helped me make

uh construction paper bracelets

that were yellow and she cut out the red

stars on them so they'd shoot at me and

I'd

it's a pretty cool teacher and then the

gal ghetto version of the

headband

I wouldn't wear this in public I did

once as a on a dare but just certain

things speak to us

I was always involved with the music and

the drama and the youth group it was the

the spiritual connection that I think

meant a lot to me but I always knew

there was something different about me

that I could not talk about

got engaged to the music directors

daughter

and then

probably six months before we got

married I said Stephanie I gotta be

honest I can't do this I'm gay

they actually had a church service when

they were trying to pray the gay away

they were trying to cast the demon of

homosexuality out of our family

and it crushed my parents and it crushed

me at the same time and that kind of

made me feel like I was flawed somehow

that I would come out of the closet and

it's like all right I disappointed God

now I've made God mad I don't deserve to

be part of this community what I didn't

know was that genetically I was

predisposed to panic disorder

and that was the right impetus to

trigger it I had this horrible internal

struggle it's like you know if I were to

die tonight on my way home I'd go to

hell

if one in five of us have a mental

illness and only 48 or 40 percent or so

get help

that leaves a tremendous amount of

people out there in pain

um our suicide rates are are higher than

they've ever been

um people who have mental illness die

sooner 26 28 years sooner than people

that do not have mental illness so

people are dying

there was actually a time where I

actually like had a plan

for me it was a lot of different

circumstances I think it was just like

where I was in my life and like the

feeling of unhappiness and then having

depression on top of that and then

feeling alone and not being able to

essentially talk about my feelings in a

way that I feel confident today

growing up in my community a lot of

people don't talk about their emotions

my life has always been like living in

trauma and that was just because like

you you never really know what to expect

growing up black in America at any

moment you know what I mean someone can

decide that you're not worth it

I actually remember coming downstairs

one morning

and

mom was gone

I thought well

she must be sick something

she hurt herself

and he took us there and he just said

oh Mom's sick

and

I'm like okay

six seven years old you don't question

anybody you just

take what they're saying for word

and I remember her coming home and

giving me this puppet that she had made

and I

thought well wow I'm not sure what kind

of sick she was but she had a good time

when she was there

and it wasn't until I was probably about

12 you know it took about five years

before anybody even talked about it

nobody

said well your mind was in a mental

hospital she was

had problems they just told you that she

was sick so he as a six-year-old you

think

she hurt her stomach she hurt her leg

broken arm you know I didn't know

and it wasn't until about 12 and

I think Mom actually brought it up to us

and said well this is what really

happened to me

and I look back now and I'm

see the puppet and I'm wondering yeah I

can see why you know it was a therapy

thing for her

I at six didn't understand why she had

left

I knew that she was there for a couple

months of you know they explained to us

that Mom and Dad's getting divorced

we understood as much as a

six-year-old's going to

and that they're not going to live

together mom's there for a couple months

and then all of a sudden

dad's there and Mom now moved out

and we didn't know why

and they didn't explain

to a six seven-year-old why

but

keeping it from us probably wasn't the

best answer either because we had

questions

but we never felt like we could ask

those questions

we just

kept it inside never talked about it it

was a

hidden subject

I look back on those years between the

mid 1970s and 80s and keep saying who

was that person then whose coffin began

seeing a therapist regularly during the

1990s but it wasn't until nearly 2000

that she said she got the help she

needed

when this article first came out

um had your mother told you ahead of

time that she was working with the Bay

City Times she did

she did and I remember when the article

came out

my dad

why does she got to put our last name on

there

he he was still very

embarrassed to be associated with mental

illness

[Music]

you guys want to go potty wanna go potty

come on outside Kaiser

let's go potty come on I think it's

important that if anyone even suspects

it to go to a mental health professional

and let them evaluate you I mean because

they'll ask the right questions they'll

put things into words that you couldn't

put into words before

I didn't know panic disorder and what it

meant but once I went and saw my first

therapist he said do you ever feel this

way I was in shock because I thought I'm

not going crazy There's an actual list

of things that people like me have and

he said I've got some good news for you

Noah he said it's treatable

and then he said but I have some really

bad news it's never going away

he said you will learn how to to manage

it

but it's never going to leave

when this started I would sit on my

husband's lap crying

um and the doctor said family doctor

that he'd seen for a long time well if

you just pull yourself up by your

bootstraps okay this would be better you

could handle it and then when I went to

someone else they would say when I was

manic it would be you know you just need

to go taken out behind the barn and

given a good whooping because that would

take care of what you're doing right now

that isn't true that isn't true at all

you need some kindness some

understanding

good people can do bad things and bad

things aren't because you want to do

them many times it's because of the

things that you go through in life

I'm proud of her

you know we do bad things in life

things we can't take back things we

can't change

but we can still make it better

and this article helps some one other

person just one makes a difference

[Music]

I think doctors weren't sure what to do

with me and

this was like in the early 2000s so like

things have changed now but

I've had a lot of labels attached to me

that I don't think really apply

a lot of them are still stuck to me

all these labels were given to me to

like

get me the services I needed to get me

on these medications and to get me these

like therapies and stuff that I was

given Maybe

I needed to have those labels applied

for insurance reasons I don't know

I do think doctors were just like trying

to figure out and like

pin something down to like write off and

say this is it and this is what we need

to do

but I got like a dozen different

diagnoses instead and wasn't really

treated for what I needed to be treated

for which was

autism

it's really something you have for life

and is fundamentally the way your brain

works differently versus something you

might develop and learn better coping

mechanisms and be able to fit in better

with Society a lot of times I'll say

something that like seems obvious to me

and I'll have someone around me say like

oh I didn't like understand it that way

a lot of times the same thing happens

with like neurotypical people like

they'll say something I'll be like oh I

didn't see it that way and it turns out

like everybody else sees it that way

this is like kind of silly to say but

like I don't know what's unique it makes

me unique uh makes me lets me see things

differently I guess I actually requested

recently from my mental health services

all my records dating back over 10 years

um what are you hoping to find through

those records

all the stuff I don't remember

I've tried Zoloft

there was this other prescription that

was for like low birth pressure but

there's been studies on it that helps

with anxiety and it just made me feel

like a zombie Zoloft also made me feel

like a zombie and honestly it was just a

very huge turn off

with a typomanic episode it felt like

finally after all the struggles I

finally have arrived at this place where

I feel like the perfect version of

myself next thing you know I feel so

great the rules they don't apply to me

Adderall one way I'll call the other way

there was one night where I had somehow

walked myself out of my apartment and so

I kicked in the back door and then that

broke off these wood shards from the

door frame next thing I know I'd taken

one of those shoved it up my chin and I

found out I'm sort of getting drug out

of my apartment full restraints I'm

being wheeled on a stretcher sedated me

woke up nobody came and checked on me

I'm in there for six hours restrained

staring at the ceiling found a dual

diagnosis facility dual diagnosis

meaning Mental Health Plus substance it

was like five or six AAA type meetings a

day and then I saw a psychologist once

the entire two weeks that I was there so

I left so it's just a fully developing

untreated manic episode

something that stands out is

dehumanizing for me was taking this

medication that I knew wasn't right was

making me feel terrible was making me

feel sedated

and verbalizing that you have to do your

best to be on your best behavior and be

nice and calm or otherwise you know you

you can't get your way or your your

manic or you're out of line or you need

to go settle down

so I was verbalizing that this

medication wasn't working for me it

wasn't I wasn't feeling like myself and

that was written down in a book as a

strike against me it was a bad thing

that I had done so I realized at that

moment that

I really can't

advocate for myself here that's what it

felt like

I felt like I couldn't advocate for

myself or because I was being unruly or

non-compliant

and at the time I didn't feel that there

was anyone there to advocate for me

either

none of us are perfect

but do you know how it is Doctor

you get to know some of these patients

get to like them some of them

patients like Mr Rusk a few others get

better

I thought I was not something real big

for a while something where I was doing

some good

and I messed it all up

[Music]

it's hard enough to walk in and say I

need help

and then we have so many requirements

regarding paperwork

so when someone walks in we need to be

welcoming and we need to say we're here

to help you and I think that we try

really hard to do that but when you have

to do a full assessment on the first day

and you have so many days to get the

person in I think those are all really

good rules but it's also a burden in the

fact that then you're not sitting there

with the person in front of you and not

worrying about paperwork

we've been doing this for a long time we

need to make improvements we acknowledge

that but I don't think it's broken I

think we're serving a lot of people

I think that we're doing it better than

we've ever done it

we know that about 43 percent of people

who are dealing with mental illness

don't come into treatment this is a

treatable illness that people can get

help for and can live full lives

you really need to see a psychiatrist

and get some therapy because even

psychiatric care having the medication

doesn't take care of it you have to have

therapy along with it to be able to work

out your issues

I know I wouldn't be here if it wouldn't

be for the psychiatric help that I found

the medications and my children and

grandchildren

they're not all willing to realize that

they have a problem

or that there's help out there and it's

okay to ask for help

we all

need help occasionally in life and it's

not

bad to ask for it

it shouldn't be embarrassing to say you

have a problem and to ask for help

part of the barrier in my own recovery

and getting started was my mom had to

figure out where to get me Insurance

because we didn't always have it

then my mom was always someone who

worked two three four jobs and now I see

working in a community mental health we

have people who have state insurance

which is great if you happen to be lucky

enough to qualify and get a ride into

DHS and have someone to help you fill

out paperwork if you need help and get

to the hospital for your initial

appointment now once that's all set up

yes sure we can go grab somebody and

we'll we'll bring it in we'll come to

your house I mean I beat doors down all

the time but the disconnect there is

that especially in especially in rural

communities

there are a lack of free clinics there's

a lack of transportation to get folks in

to just get the help they need

let me get myself together because I

don't want to be crying

I think the biggest challenge we have is

funding and not knowing if we're going

to continue to have funding

um and because we are Medicaid and the

majority of the people that we serve are

pretty severely disabled

um not just with mental health issues

but the majority of our funding goes for

individuals with intellectual and

developmental disabilities who have

significant physical as well as as

cognitive issues and so

you know if Medicaid gets cut

or if our system gets privatized my

biggest concern is that we won't be able

to serve the individuals that we're

serving the way we're serving them

um so that's the biggest thing is is

managing the public funds and providing

the care that we need to provide for the

individuals that we serve

I don't even know where to start with

that

hmm

foreign

group where he couldn't stay on our

insurance after what was it 18.

we paid cash

it all adds up and you buy all these

medications you pay a thousand dollars

for your script and it doesn't work

after taking seven of them and you throw

that one out and you start all over

again and his teeth the Medicaid dilant

ruined his teeth when he was a kid and

now he's having to have all of his teeth

crowned because he clenches his teeth at

night so he's fractured all of his teeth

and then they're all wore right off so

that's that's like two thousand dollars

for two teeth maybe the insurance I

didn't cover much of it did it oh my God

no

by the time he was in he had no

insurance we couldn't even afford to pay

for his insurance he doesn't have

insurance to his job and we tried to get

him on Medicaid but since he lived with

us

his household income was too high to get

him on Medicaid so we just had to pay

for everything meds at one point were

like four thousand a month

and obviously melting cows he couldn't

pay for him

grab me a cleaner

it is really very unfair because the

insurance companies don't look at mental

health the same as they look at the

physical health they don't and it is uh

it is still an issue so you know the

private insurance should cover the

mental illness

what do you like to do

my cows what do you like to do for fun

you do anything fun

we're working my workshop

you just finished that one about a month

ago

and tarsia

you just cut these pieces out and you

put them back together like Puzzles you

know and

and it takes quite a lot of patience to

cut them out good and a lot of Sandy

I can do that one man this is one you're

planning on doing soon yeah

here's one of his this is a cutting

board that he made that's black oak or a

black walnut Oak and white oak

so

you still don't talk a lot

it's all up here

he just can't make it come out of his

mouth the way he wants to you know the

community is probably the biggest reason

he's as functional as he is because the

community helps him he does his own

banking

they help him the auto parts store guys

know him

everybody's there and supportive

yeah it takes the village to raise a kid

you know

it's really unfair when you talk about

someone who needs attention or needs

care can't afford it

I've had patience right now who have to

make a decision about medication and

they'll tell me listen uh I can't afford

three dollar medication I need the one

dollar medication so you would say well

come on three dollars but if someone's

really struggling that much and saying I

need that one dollar medication at this

point there's other things are going on

with it so I think that's part of the

issue it's not a priority for us in our

country we view it as you know this is

America get yours like I got mine

patients who don't go will go without

treatment they cost us

now if you look at the number of

patients we're seeing in the forensics

in the jail setting many cases these are

folks who failed outpatient Readiness

the shift is going from basically

Outpatient Treatment to criminal justice

treatment at the time which is much more

expensive

our whole system needs uh could be uh

corrected and need to help at this point

not just Mental Health

you know one look at a State Hospital

and any layperson would say okay this is

a prison in fact some asylums like the

Upper Peninsula Asylum were literally

converted into prisons

since the end of the Asylum model

we have seen the rise of mass

incarceration when there was

de-institutionalization a lot of these

patients did become homeless and they

were arrested by the police and put in

jail this is something that we see all

the time when I was in prison I received

two quote unquote official mental health

assessments these were given simply

because the majority of my time spent

there was in trying to get transferred

into mental health court but in order to

get into that Court period you have to

prove to the first judge that your

crimes were causally connected to your

mental health disorder what they did is

they just scheduled me for one first

assessment they read off some generic

questions things like at the time that

you committed the crime did you feel

that you had a superpower the answer is

no but there's a whole lot of other

things I thought I would definitely not

say that prison is the best place for

people experiencing mental health

disorder to get the support that they

need

it seems like that they are already the

easiest to neglect and so with that

mentality I think you also get this sort

of a Dumping Ground that goes back for

centuries just wanting to remove people

from society when somebody goes to the

prison for a crime that they're

committed because of their psychiatric

symptoms

it's very hard to release them and then

transfer them to the state hospital this

is unbelievable so many patients they

just are

their their life is done once they go to

the prison there are studies showing

that a lot of them have been assaulted

they have been raped then they become

worse because of the whole trauma but

that's something that uh

that has to change that has to change

I don't know what's going to happen next

[Music]

hello

so let's see uh well things are I mean

things are going well considering

there's a lot to be nervous about a lot

to be anxious or depressed about I just

think we live in a time that's uh limbs

itself

to people becoming you know afraid of

people living in despair we've had an

uptick in suicide

the biggest threat to public health and

safety in some ways is mental health if

people can't function within Society

within their jobs if they can't function

in their roles as a parent if they can't

function in school

then it's it's as debilitating as having

you know a deadly or or infectious

disease

ball has been

it it is a hard time of year and every

time October rolls around there there is

a bit of dread you know something's

gonna happen again

I left my position in social work

um I started working another low stress

job so that I could get back to school

and then the world went topsy-turpy

in terms of my mental health I saw a

relapse or uptick in symptoms I was able

to speak with a psychiatrist to change

my medications I now talk to my

therapist via text

I can't

really imagine anyone in the world right

now walking around

just hunky dory with the way that things

are going I think that we are all

experiencing anxiety and depression

a lot of my patients suffered a lot some

of them lost you know their near India

ruins

the worst thing is like our patients

particularly depressing anxious patients

we tell them to to socialize

to to help them with their depression

and anxiety

and this is the first time

we told them to not socialize

October is always a scary month for me I

actually hold my breath metaphorically

and literally as the month changes

and I'm going to share something that

I didn't share before

the reason I don't share this is a lot

of people

would say that's what made me gay

but October started being a bad month

for me when I was raped

I was 18 years old

and I was raped by somebody who was my

Superior at a fast food restaurant

and they got me extremely drunk

and

it was probably the lowest point in my

life

there's a part of me that is still

haunted by that

in October we opened the windows to let

the death out

the cold air is purging

and the Decay around us is imminent it's

beautiful in some ways

and so it's not easy in October

we're heading and sliding into winter so

that's very difficult for me because I'm

finding that I'm already getting

depressed I had to increase my

medication yesterday

I mean I'm exhausted but I wake up in

the middle of the night for two or three

hours and can't go back to sleep because

I kind of have things running through my

head so that's what I'm hoping that with

the increase in the medication that I

will be able to sleep all night

given the current climate of the nation

and with the pandemic

it's my understanding that more people

are are suffering more

and that's causing a need for more

mental health care

and you can't have a bunch of people

sitting in a waiting room for a half

hour

as I kind of exited social work I saw

a great rise in the need for it

so since then I've been

kind of volunteering my time and my

skills as much as I can while not being

affiliated with an agency

a lot of the peers that I'm still

connected to are providing services

online or over the phone via Zoom calls

like this one we've really adapted

to

the state of the world and we adapted

quickly

the pandemic has been challenging truly

was homeless for 44 days before I like

secured this space and was able to move

into it my roof collapsed and with that

there was like a leak so I was pretty

much like couch surfing

it was hard truly to not only have to

advocate for myself while being homeless

while also trying to find a place to

live

it was the longest 44 days of my life

um and

on top of that where an epidemic it was

finals week so it

can be hard sometimes truly to find

yourself in all of that you balance and

yeah especially when you don't have the

space to do that

thank you

in the past year well

Nate decided to quit taking his meds

this summer so we had an event

basically wound up with medication

changes that's actually been a blessing

because

we've changed medications from the

Risperidol to invega and it's actually

been a good thing

[Music]

you know a person is like oh my God here

we go but we didn't wind up with an

admission the new medication worked

immediately

and we only had like a bad week after

that and things are doing quite well

you like the new meds don't you yeah in

fact a speech is better talks more he's

we're just at the beginning of starting

the medication so

we'll see

it was a good experience this day

his copay on it is

negligible I think what was it it's like

14 dollars

there are improvements in

the way mental health is treated things

have gotten better

how generally are you doing

good

foreign

I've never been to a protest I've never

led a protest so going to that protest

here in Marquette

the protest was for George Floyd

um it was a say his name protest um and

it was shortly after

millions of people watched that video of

him being

um sorry

of him being

choked to death by a man knoing on him

um yeah I it was very

very hard to watch

I think I see trauma and I think that

it's years of trauma that like no one

has ever been able to talk about I

literally like afterwards like broke

down and cried like I had to sit down

and just like it was like whoa all of

this raw emotion is happening and I

don't understand it and but all I know

is that like I have to I have to do

something

social justice for us mission is to

uplift the marginalized voices

amplifying the voices of marginalized

people in the Marquette Community people

that aren't being hurt I joined social

justice for us about two months I think

after they were formed officially two

days after their initial formation I had

gone to a protest and met up with them

what makes the SFU is so unique is that

we are all on the Spectrum some way

somehow whether that's a spectrum on the

lgbtqia or we even have members that are

autistic we have members that suffer

from like deep anxiety issues deep

depression issues so broad living and

battling life in a way that truly

Inspire us to make it better

yes Milo

with you know high blood pressure and

heart and you know lung issues running

in my family

I wanted to make some Life Changes

because I I know as I age my metabolism

slows down and and I learned to cook

when I say cook I'm talking about

boiling eggs but but I learned that I

felt better if I ate that way my blood

sugar was stable I was more hydrated and

it's minimized what probably would have

been more catastrophic for my mental

health in terms of my ability to cope

with my anxiety even with the meds

I'm never going to be a homeowner again

I just that's something I have no

interest in

it's a change and it's a needed change

[Music]

the only changes I had was you know

getting mom's groceries getting my

in-laws groceries that you know their

elderly and we didn't want them at the

stores to go anyplace to

what do you mean I'm elderly but we

didn't want them to get any

sickness or illness that they couldn't

recover from

I I usually I'm a jewelry maker I made

these bracelets I'm real good at it I

used to make purses and stuff but I've

always been an artist too so this gives

me so during covid-19 in the middle of

the night sometimes my favorite time I

just stood up

and I I go to Pinterest and try to find

something that I can draw and now you're

about to see what I can draw I want it

to be more natural

but this is a bird's eye view of a

bird's nest

[Music]

portrait

I always wear a hat but that's that's my

self-portrait

I'm just moving from a little apartment

in Saginaw to a slightly bigger

apartment inside now

um I took a place uh that was a little

cheaper because my

um employment was impacted by Colvin and

I am going back to school just found a

place that was a little bigger I've got

a great big dog to look after so they

needed some space

thank you

is there anything burning in your heart

that you want to share with the world no

no do you want to tell the world

anything

no

perfect

hopefully you know this crisis will go

away

and people will go back to where they

are you know seeking help whenever they

need it but please

get help when you have mental illness

um you know go to your psychiatrist go

to your therapist

don't

think that you you are your diagnosis

please don't you're different you have a

lot of strengths we got a lot of

patients who do very well

if you are really at your low point if

you are suicidal already psychotic or

manic and if you have to go to the

mental health unit for a few days don't

feel bad about it

[Music]

foreign

has made enormous progress from the days

of the asylums

therapy and medication saved my life

and they've saved the lives of millions

of people who have been able to live

happy productive lives in their

communities but Millions more are being

forgotten

asylums were never abolished only

rebranded

as mass incarceration

as a homelessness epidemic

as skyrocketing medical bills

the first asylums were not only Built to

treat people with debilitating

psychiatric illnesses

they were also prisons for gay people

autistic people rebellious women anyone

our society wanted to forget

we cannot fix our Mental Health Care

System until we change our mentality

about people with psychiatric illnesses

we are not problems

we are people

and we are not going to be forgotten

anymore

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

thank you

[Music]