The Celebrities Worst Travel Stories! | The Graham Norton Show

presumably because you're Johnny Depp

like I read a story about was it because

you were coming from Lima to Miami I

think when you were stopped at Customs

oh yeah

yeah and if you hadn't been Johnny Depp

they probably wouldn't have stopped you

would they well it's kind of an

interesting route anyway Lima Peru to

Miami it does sound like a drug Rod

they're already expecting things and I

did have some things

yeah there was a kind of a soft bag and

and the Customs guy said

would you mind opening this up I said he

said he said first he said what is in

there I said uh stuffed piranhas

sorry stop piranhas

and some vampire bats

unzipped and then there just happened to

be some sort of vitamin powder that I

was taking at the time

yeah I mean in all seriously

plus I'd still be in jail

and then when I unzipped it poof you

know

and then with these piranhas and bats

covered in white powder

it was important to have them

I had to bring them home yeah but the

guy thought he found the motherload you

know he must have been so excited oh God

it was

oh

no two-handed he didn't go through with

it just so you know

how did you say it was still a virgin oh

I was a virgin until Ricky

could you say do you say that's a

vitamin powder don't worry about it and

he believed you

everybody came out with guns and things

like that

yeah

but did you put a knife in your and go

up the rigging

it

was auditioning for the first X-Men my

passport was expiring under six months

which apparently you're not supposed to

travel blah blah blah so they were like

whatever you do don't tell them that

you're here for work because they'll ask

for a work visa so you're here for

pleasure and I'm like Oh my good God

I have to lie

Customs officer and so I'm working

myself up so much through the line I'm

like okay I just have to have a

backstory I got a bag and I have to

believe it and

um and so it gets there and he was like

business for pleasure and I was like

pleasure what are you doing for pleasure

my brother's getting married and he's

like where's he getting married

Wimbledon

is he American yes do you have an

invitation no are you telling the truth

no no

Lisa and my passport expires and I'm not

even supposed to be here and I had to

sit in a tiny little jail for like five

dollars well they called my employer I

felt tiny because when was it than you

were recognized was it a honeymoon

couple on a plane oh yeah there's a

couple of they were on a honeymoon and

the plane hadn't yet taken off and the

um the the woman who just gotten married

uh just became violently and horribly

ill on the plane I mean it was not like

a pretty little like sick bag kind of

thing it was just like I'm going to

paint with my organs

and people were freaking out all over

the plane and there so they brought a

stretcher down and they put her on the

stretcher and they're Wheeling her away

and like the the uh her new husband is

just kind of cruising along with the

thing and he sees me and he's like

Deadpool no away high five and I'm like

I'm like I don't want to deal with like

what has she got

you know like you know like he's like

let's touch eyeballs no no like and by

the way your wife is like half dead

help her man I said I'm a first pilot

that I flew with uh his name is Bozo

and uh yeah gives you confidence

Hi how are you bozo Bozo okay and we

were up there we had five minutes of

film and we had to turn you know we had

to coordinate he and I and we had other

airplanes coming in on us and there was

air combat Maneuvers and we very

detailed briefings and everything so

we're going out and we're just right you

know I don't know a couple feet off the

deck in the desert and we're just

sweating I'm sweating in the F-14 and

and uh because we were doing heavy

Maneuvers and we did a really heavy

maneuver we pulled like nine and a half

G's and I you know you go out you got a

g suit on but you you know you just kind

of black out and when I came through

it's like I had my my barf bag right

here my sided thing I was like okay so

now I'm gonna go get it done so I can do

the next take so I leaned down like this

pulled it I was like just went down like

this and he at that point decided to

pull up and he pulled up so hard and for

so long I I mean I can't do it now my

head literally was touching the ground

but the g-force had expressed my spine

and the push the togs right here I was

going like this

although it's like you know I mean he

was going up forever so finally he

leveled off and I just I had the bag of

my head I was like I suppose so

what's didn't you see I like you get a

check you didn't tell me you were gonna

do that my head was like what he says

yeah yeah they don't call me Bozo for

nothing

you've got to spend time here absolutely

yeah now is it correct do we need to

apologize were we not that welcoming to

you no no most people are so welcoming

um but Customs agents not so much I'm

sure Customs is a pain for everybody

right it's a little bit of like I got

somewhere to be no you guys love it

they live here it's quite easy

I'm in the line of 1800.

no I went up to when she was shooting I

was shooting something in Montreal so I

flew back to see the kids and and my

wife

um and uh I remember going through

customs everything was fine and and then

one week just got unlucky and there was

a guy about my age seemed a bit grumpy

and he said um let me see and he said

yeah he said

you're an actor and I said yeah he goes

what do I know you from and I said I

don't know if you'd know I mean we did

the American version of your British

office strike one yeah

oh

I love that show the UK version I get it

I get it and then he said uh who are you

visiting I said my wife and he said is

she an actress and I said yeah I said uh

would I know her I said I don't know and

he said what's her name and I said Emily

Blunt as he was writing something and he

went

yeah and he goes all right get out of

here it's the May family have been to

Paris I know where you're going with

this I love this story this is so Irish

we camped all over the world and my

parents would just we had this giant big

orange tent that slept seven of us and

my mom had a little stove my dad never

got the tent up the way it was shaped on

the box

and I remember we woke up to

massive um

just it was crazy and noisy and my dad

was getting dragged out by the genre by

the police and there was whistles gone I

mean man was saying get your hands off

him and and we were starting to cry we

mama don't still go do breakfast and my

dad was saying use our very uptight all

together

he was dragging the mountain apparently

you're not allowed to Camp underneath

the Eiffel Tower

I was asked to go to America to do

cookery demonstrations yes and

um I'm very particular at getting

everything right and I also try to look

ahead so I thought I ought to have my

recipes all the ingredients weighed out

in case the plane is late or in case the

connections aren't right you want to go

straight on stage to do my presentation

cookery demonstration and so uh I

weighed out each recipe in little bags

and the sugar and everything

together so that I could lift it out for

the first recipe and so on cuts too it

was the sniffer dogs this was my

favorite bit and when we when we arrived

there were dogs and I love dogs and I

was you know just ready to go

and they all uh three of them came up

with their noses sort of like this and

they were you know I thought oh come on

but they didn't want to know me they

just began and then suddenly the airport

became empty and they were just

uniformed people and I was with Lucy

young her my assistant they parted us uh

Lucy there me there into two cells Mary

Berry in a cell with a selection of

packets containing white powder

and you see um I didn't know whether

their all-purpose flour was

um you know the same as our flower

that's why I'm taking it yes

see what this is why Mary's main because

she wanted to make the the greatest

cakes possible so I had it already and

is it true there's my face I was just

incredulous they were like we need you

back on set I was like somebody else is

gonna have to do it

and didn't he turn to you and say ma'am

uh are you are you expecting to make

some money from these white packets and

you said oh I do and

I see has already been agreed

true

foreign

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