Frozen Breakfast Showdown - Frozen Food Reviews

[Smooth Jazz]

[Audience cheering wildly]

Good morning everyone. [Yawning]

I'm Funny Family Halloween Costume Shirt - Ice and Baby Ian. Today we're going to be trying

a few delicious frozen breakfast meals. I hope you're as [yawning] excited as I am.

[Sluuurp]

Let's go to the kitchen!

[Audience applauding]

Okay, so. Normally when I film a video, I do it in the late afternoon/early evening

time. That's usually when I got most of my energy going, but today since we're doing

a breakfast video, I thought it'd be fun to film immediately after waking up because that's

normally when I should be having breakfast.

[Squeaking] Um...

I already regret this decision, so let's get started. [Laughs] Before I go any further, I have to

get coffee, so [yawning] come on, let's get some coffee.

[Toilet flushing]

Some people aren't gonna be too happy with my decision, but I'm still a Folgers man.

Gotta have some Folgers in the morning.

[Pleasant piano music]

[Bloop]

[Pouring]

[Stirring]

Okay, so. Before we get started, I think it's important for me to discuss my relationship

with breakfast, so we get a good - you know.

[World's Sleepiest DJ Music]

Y'know?

I'm a huge fan of breakfast foods. I like sausage, I like the egg, I like the cheese.

The problem is, I don't like eating in the morning. Something about eating right after

I wake up makes me feel gross? I dunno. I don't like it.

Breakfast foods are delicious, so I'm really excited to try them. We have five different

foods from five different companies, and they're gonna duke it out in a breakfast battle. Uh...

fight.

It's early. [Laughs]

[Rad ragtime music]

Let's see... who do we want to start with? Let's just go left to right, here. First up,

we're trying the Hot Pockets brand sandwiches Sausage, Egg & Cheese with a low fat mozzarella

cheese & sauce in a croissant-ant crust. It looks...

scary.

[Man screaming]

[Rip]

[Beard scratch]

[Fake Cameraman]: Ow!

[Disapproving audience]

It looks pretty typical. Looks like a Hot Pocket. I'm a fan of Hot Pockets -- specifically,

I'm a fan of the Lean Pockets Pepperoni Pizza. Those things were my jam for a little while.

Man, do I love those Lean Pockets. Okay, so we're supposed to unwrap the sandwich, stick

it in the sleeve... and cook it on High for about two minutes. And then that's it.

[Jazzy jazz]

Thisps- it does smell very breakfastststy in here, which I'm a fan of. Also a really

big fan of sausage, egg and cheese. It's one of my favorite combinations (sts). A big, big, big,

big, big, big fan. Big fan. Huge.

Giant fan!

Big, big, big, big, big, big fan.

I still feel, like, half-asleep. I need more... [slurps]

Okay, let's wait no longer. I hope I don't burn myself. It's still very, very hot. I

can just feel it - it's like a campfire. I could gather around in the cold and keep my young

warm around the Yuletide Hot Pocket Log.

It's so drippy on the bottom. Not into that.

[Jammin' organ tunes]

First bite was all crust. I caught a corner, which were usually my favorite parts. All

crust. Problem is, the crust doesn't taste like anything. Doesn't taste like a croissant,

doesn't taste like bread. It tastes like nothing, so... kind of a bummer there.

[Chomp]

Okay!

I really like that sausage!

[Cymbal crash]

I'm actually pretty impressed. That's really tasty. The sausage is really the main star

of this... "meal?"

I feel like there's not quite as much cheese or egg as I thought there would be. It's mostly

sausage, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

The more I eat it, the more I like it, honestly.

It's not gonna replace a homemade breakfast, or even a fast food breakfast,

but for a grab 'n go I need something in the morning, 'cause I'm... sprinting to my business

meeting across town in the desert.

Hot Pockets brand hot sandwiches breakfast sandwich is a good

option. I think it's the spice in the sausage that makes it so good. It's the flavor that

lingers after you're done eating it. It's - it's really good. Really good.

[Crunch]

I'm still only half-awake, so I'm having trouble thinking up a rating system for this video,

so I'm gonna be rating these breakfast foods once again by a emotion chart. Today, specifically,

I'm going to be using this Emotions chart. I guess Hot Pocket Sausage, Egg & Cheese

makes me feel surprised? And like, maybe animate some Hot Pockets going in my mouth? That's

what it makes me feel like. But I give Hot Pockets Sausage, Egg & Cheese the rating of

Surprised!

[Ominious tones]

So congratulations. But we can't just trust me, it's only my show so who cares what I

have to say - let's see what the Internet thinks about these sandwiches.

Most of these reviews are pretty positive and I'm not surprised because it's pretty

tasty. bigboyyy says, Bangerzzzz.

The consensus seems to be it's great for a quick, on-the-go breakfast snack, and I tend

to agree.

[Sploosh]

[Chill, but energetic music - like from Animal Crossing]

Oh, boy. Okay. Um, well, next up we have Jimmy Dean Pancakes & Sausage On a Stick!

This is one of those things where I can't decide if this is an intriguing, cool idea or a horrible,

terrifying idea. I'm not totally sure yet. It says it's Pancake batter covering a sausage

link, and Jimmy Dean does make some pretty good sausage links. My guess is that I'm not

gonna like the pancake. My guess is that the pancake is gonna be maybe soggy, or weird

texture or something. My guess is that the pancake's gonna ruin it for me, but let's

see.

[Ripping]

[Cat meowing]

Well, they come individually wrapped. The pancake's also pretty dark. I dunno, I guess

I expected more of a blonde pancake situation that would brown up in the microwave, but

maybe that's just too unrealistic of expectations. Okay, so we're going to remove from wrapper,

and place on a plate, microwave for 50 seconds. Looks very corny-doggy.

[Car squealing; crash]

[People screaming]

[Muffled people screaming]

Okay, so I think I might've forgotten to turn this camera on when I was opening this. Uh... sorry. It's

done now though, let's get it.

[Sniff]

Hmmm...

I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure what to make of this yet. The smell, the uh... I'm

gonna poke it.

[Boing]

Uhhh...

Ehhh...

Mehhhhh?

Mehhhhh! Maybe I just spend the rest of the video making noises

like that.

[MEEHHHHHH]

I almost feel like I should put some butter on it. It's pancakes, right? I almost feel like

I should put some butter on it or dip it in syrup, but I'm just gonna try it plain first

and we can go from there.

It smells pretty good, but you can see the wrinkles on top here, which makes me feel

like it's gonna be kinda spongy and not great. But let's - here we go.

[Dancy music with flute]

It's very hot.

[Scratching]

I don't know if I like that. I don't like it, but why not? I'm not sure. It's really

sweet? It's really sweet! It almost feels like it has a layer of syrup already on it.

It says that it's a fully-cooked maple sausage link, so it's possible that it's the maple sausage

link making it taste like it has syrup on it already. Would not recommend putting extra syrup

on here, it's sweet enough as is.

[Blubbing]

[Pop!]

I don't like it!

I still can't put my tonguefinger on what it is I don't like about it. I think

it's a very mushy pancake mixed with a very mushy sausage, and when you chew it a little

bit, it just kind of feels like this sugary mush in your mouth. It kinda makes me

a little nauseous, if I'm being honest. I guess the nausea could be related to me eating breakfast

for the first itme in a couple years? Who knows.

But it almost kind of tastes like a funnel cakey - that's what it reminds me of, like

a funnel cake fried fair food? Which is not great to eat first thing in the morning.

I dunno. It - it could've gone a lot worse, but I think it could've gone a lot better.

Not my favorite. Not my favorite. I really hate to say it, but on the Feelings Chart,

it kinda seems like Jimmy Dean's Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick makes me feel a little

bit angry.

[Tropical coffee shop vibe music]

That may be a strong word for what I'm feeling, but man, these kids aren't expressing their

emotions as clear as they should. They all look exactly the same. What is the difference

between these, kids? Come on! It looks like these have significantly higher ratings than

the Hot Pockets, which surpriseseses me.

Janet says that she would buy them again.

[Reads review]

Shannon1993 says that she loves it, but when she opened her box there was a pancake sealed

with only half in it. [Laughs] Really disappointed.

It looks like someone just [crunch] bit off of the end and stuck it right back in there.

LethaR says,

[Reads title]

If you eat these regularly, you are now required to call them Flapsticks.

[Reads review]

It kinda seems like my opinion differed from the opinions of the general public regarding

the Flapsticks, but like we always say on the show, I'm right, don't listen to any of

these idiots.

"Who cares what I have to say..."

All right. What do we have n-

no, no...

[Sings] I forgot I bought this~

Banquet Sausage & Gravy Deep Dish.

If you're familiar with my channel, you know that we have a bit of a history with Banquet

meals. This one was just too strange-looking to pass up. It is a breakfast pot pie. I'm

a big fan of Pot Pies, but... the Banquet label makes me extremely nervous.

It does have a flaky crust made from scratch, which sounds promising.

Hmm...

Is it just me, or does that look... a little bit sad? Does that look a little sad to you?

Eh... I dunno. I guess it looks... okay enough.

Supposed to cut a slit in the top of it.

[Creaking]

Somehow... it's very, uh, frozen.

[Creaking]

[Pop!]

Okay, well. Hopefully that's good enough, I guess? How long? Four minutes?

[Rock music stops]

[Microwave hum]

Well, I definitely smell the crust. Um.... Huh. [Laughs]

I mean, it looks... cooked?

Here it is, in all of its pot pie glory. All I really smell is the crust, if you handed

this to me, I would not know that it was a breakfast pot pie, I would just assume it

was a really cheapo pot pie. Let's see, here...

[Gooey gross noises]

Okay, well I want to get some of the crust, too.

Haah...

Yum yum!

Smells a lot like a cheap sausage. Cheap breakfast sausage, which always smells to me kinda like

wet dog?

[Sad cello music]

[Chomp]

It's fine? Honestly, the taste that's coming through strongest is the gravy, probably because

there's just so much of it? Which doesn't surprise me, because it's a Banquet meal,

so... you know it's gonna be mostly gravy to cut down on the costs, I'm assuming.

[Gulp]

Tastes like nothing.

[Beautiful flute noises]

[Crowd applause]

Sausage is really not too bad. It's honestly not as good as the Hot Pocket sausage. I think

I might actually prefer it to the Jimmy Dean sausage because it's not so sweet? I feel like if

I sat down and ate this for breakfast, though, I would probably just

dig out all of the sausage and eat that.

'Cause the gravy is not too impressive, and the crust doesn't taste like anything, so

what's the point?

[Crunching]

You know, when you get really close up to it, it kinda looks like an alien planet or

something. [Laughs]

[Space music, probably]

Okay, so. Final verdict on the Banquet Sausage and Gravy Deep Dish: it's not as bad as I

thought it was gonna be. Y'know, Banquet is turning out to be a real wild card. Sometimes

it's okay, sometimes it's terrible. But it's better than I would expect from Banquet. That

said, it's still not very good. Honestly, I think the gravy is what really brings it

down for me. It's just really weak. Y'know, I don't mind if you're gonna overload it with

gravy on the inside to cut costs. I mean, I mind, but it makes sense. But if you're

gonna do that, you gotta have a good gravy.

[Squeaking]

I guess if I were to sum up my feelings into one emotion on the chart, I would say the

Banquish - Banquish? I would probably say that they make me feel empty.

[Silence but for wind]

Just empty.

Let's look for a second opinion!

I swear, every time I go shopping I pick up a few so I can actually eat breakfast

in the morning, otherwise Iam?

not a breakfast person in the morning.

Ooh-ooh-ah-ooh-one fourth-ah-ah-eee!

Love these so much! Wish I could eat one every morning.

Lawl. [Audience laughing]

I gotta admit, these reviews for these breakfast items are way higher than I expected. It really

seems like the convenience of a quick breakfast makes up for the taste for a lot of people.

This *is* a very quick breakfast. Not gonna say it's delicious, but it is pretty quick.

[Fwoop!]

[Piano sting]

Huuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh....

[Higher pitched] Haaaaaaaaaahhhhh...

I should not have gotten five of these, I should've gotten three. I don't know what

I was thinking, but I already said five, so I've committed. Let's get number four over

with, it's Great Value Bacon Egg & Cheese Croissant! This just looks scary. These, uh,

microwave sandwiches I always try to avoid 'cause they're never very good - oh my god.

I'm very picky about my breakfast sandwiches and I can already tell that I'm probably not

gonna have a fun time with this one.

[Rip]

[Chill piano]

This just does not look... fun. Uhm, we- uh, let's open it up. We can examine every part

of this sandwich before we heat it up.

[Fwoop!]

[Fwoop!]

[Fwoop!]

So this is what we're gonna be eating, got the croissant over here. It looks fine, I

mean it looks like bread at least. The... is this bacon? Is this supposed to be bacon?

The bacon - uh... it sure is a patty of...

[Sniff]

[Kissy noise]

Some type of meat. It's very thin, definitely not as robust a bacon as it could be. And

then there's the egg and cheese. And, I don't know. Is this making anyone else hungry? Because,

man oh man, do I want to eat this.

Okay, it's actually supposed to be in the bag, so I gotta put all these pieces back... back

in the bag. Microwave on 30% power for one minute, microwave on High for 40 seconds.

That's a pain!

[Tick tock]

[Jazzzzzz]

Emmmmm noooo...

Uh, ugh! It's soggy at the bottom! Okay. Well, here's our lovely breakfast, um...

Get the-

[Glass shatters]

It's very... soggy. Uh, it looks very soggy... it feels very soggy... It's just not a good

situation over here right now. It's just... Things are looking bleak. [Laughs]

[Dong dong]

[Drum kit]

[Cymbal crashes]

[Applause]

Surprisingly, the smell that comes through the most out of all of this business is the

bacon patty, so maybe that'll be good? I could ss- I could pull this out and only eat the

bacon if I wanted to.

[Crunch]

Mm-mm. Oh, no. Nope!

It started out okay. It started out - I was a little bit impressed. I mainly just tasted

the bacon, which is a great flavor. But once the egg and the cheese caught up with me...

No. No. Just no.

[Crunch]

There's like, a little bit of cheese hanging off on this side?

Um, no more, thank you. Let's just try the bacon patty. Let's just - maybe if I just

eat this.

[Chomp]

That is some really crappy bacon. This breakfast croissant is pretty much everything I hate

in frozen breakfast all at once. One of the things I hate most about it is the bag. When

it has you cook it in the bag, what it does is it steams the sandwich. And I think they

do that to melt the cheese? Maybe? But what ends up happening is it makes the entire sandwich,

just, soggy. I've got this thing about wet bread. I don't want moist - I don't want damp

bread. Don't make my bread soggy, I - it grosses me out, makes me gag, I don't like it. The

bacon was, at least, bacon. It wasn't great, but I recognized it as bacon. And that's about

as big of a compliment as I can give to it.

[Applause]

It really seems like people are digging these breakfast items, so maybe people like the

Great Value one as well.

It's got 4 1/2 stars, 181 reviews! What am I missing, here?

Neenie says, They're Tres Bon!

[Reads review]

GemmieGirl says, Omg, suuuu good! Goodbye Burger King Drive Thru, five stars.

I've never had Burger King's breakfast sandwiches, I'm not a huge Burger King fan, but a lot

of the reviews are comparing it directly to Burger King's Croissant Breakfast Sandwiches.

So if you're a fan of those, maybe give these a try?

[Commercial, sing/chanting]: A yummy, tasty hoot! A party in your tummy~

Hey, where did you get that flute?

[Flute noise]

At the end of the day, I guess these breakfast sandwiches make me feel, uh... enraged? This

is just the worst emotion chart I think I've ever seen. You can't tell the difference between

half of these emotions! These aren't gonna help kids understand what they're feeling.

Hopeless, disgusted, ashamed, jealous, depressed, exhausted, it's all the same feeling. It's

all the exact same feeling kids, don't worry. If your face looks like that, you're probably

feeling all of these things at once. I will say that I'm feeling pretty ecstatic that

we're finally on our last breakfast item.

[Glass breaking]

Okay. We are ending on a high note, we are eating a kolache [Sub note: meat varieties are actually called Klobásník],

one of the best breakfast items on the planet. Nothing too exciting to see here, it's a roll with a sausage in it.

[Electrocution noises]

All right, don't let me down kolache [Klobásník], don't let me down. Let's end on a high note here.

Smells okay. I don't know that I'm gonna say that it smells great, but it smells okay.

It's a roll with a sausage in it. Revolutionary, really. Can your brain comprehend it? Man,

the plate is just wet. Which, I've expressed how I feel about wet breads, but... maybe,

maybe um...

[Crunch]

[Swelling Classical music]

Um... hmm.

I'm... bummed.

I'm sad. That bite made me sad!

It has nothing to do with how it's assembled or prepared, I'm just not a fan of the sausage

that they used. I don't know anything about Great Dave foods, I don't know if they make

sausage just regularly, but I'm just not into their choice of sausage for their sausage

roll. It wasn't bad. I mean, it was edible. It was fine. Nothing wrong with it, really.

I just wasn't into the sausage that they chose. It definitely did not remind me of the kind

of sausage that I usually find in those sausage rolls.

I expect the reviews should be pretty good on this one, because the breakfast items that

I absolutely hated people still seemed to really enjoy, so people probably like this

one as well.

I can't even find these on the Internet. I can find some similar sausage rolls, but they

also have cheese in them. I'm having trouble finding - I can't find these on the Internet.

So, it's very possible that these don't actually exist. Um, but, I don't have any other reviews

for this one, so you guys just have to go on my opinion, which is...

"Meh! They're okay. Eh."

If I'm being honest, they kinda make me feel lonely, helpless, disgusted, ashamed, jealous,

depressed, and exhausted.

But now it's time to find out how these breakfastststs stack

up against each other!

[Eagle cry]

To do that I'll be stacking the boxes from worst breakfast all the way up to the best

breakfast.

[Game show jams; audience applause]

There we have our - our rating, here. With our champion on top. That was a lot of fun.

It was fun, and my stomach hurts. So, way to go.

[Tumbling blocks]

That's gonna be it for the breakfast this morning. I hope you enjoyed hanging out with

me in the A.M. today. Don't think I'm gonna be doing another morning filming video anytime

soon, but it was pretty interesting. It was pretty nice - it did kinda feel like we woke

up together to eat some really crappy breakfast, and that's fun. If you're new here and you

like what you saw be sure to check out more of my BrutalFoods videos, there's a lot to

watch and there's more on the way, so thanks fo much for supporting my content, you guys,

and I will be back with another video really soon.

Really soon. [High-pitched] Aaaaaahhh

Thank you guys so much for watching, but before I go I'd like to take a moment to thank the

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[Chill exit music]