Home Movies Best of McGuirk II

hey guys how are you hi I was driving by

saw the lights on so I figured I'd stop

in Brandon how are you how are you good

practice today

thank you yeah been coaching thank you

Paulo just I'm starting to visit the

kids at night now more hey coach you

parked on the lawn do you realize that I

thought there was a driveway now that's

the long no actually the real reason I

came Paulo was I I gotta ask you a favor

uh-huh my sister is coming into town

right Friday night uh-huh it's just a

layover she's at the airport so I would

appreciate it if you come to the airport

with me to say hi to her while she's

waiting for her connecting flight I

don't think I know your sister John yeah

well that doesn't matter probably don't

for know her - say hi to her why would I

go with you to the airport and say hi to

your sister who I've never known well

all the other moms said no you know this

is kind of a last-ditch effort before I

have to hire an escort you need an S I

wanted you to pretend you're my fiancee

I would I would if we weren't going to

the movies

I've now all right I'm sleep-deprived

I'm just saying this has never happened

to me before

okay look is Brandon is smart smart it's

just weird how it happens sometimes dumb

people have smart kids I'll just um

Paula come with me to the airport you

know you can bring Brandon unlike his

father he loves me yeah so I'm

interviewing you and your name is Brad

battement okay no I so right Brendon I'm

out doing action so Brad you get killed

in the camera off so Brad turn the

camera so Brad you killed 40 seconds in

the movie did that bother you

coach you're Brad yeah you're Brad how

long are you gonna do this Brett really

mmm it's a real short scene if you just

start with just start with no well I

mean every action

Brad you get killed 40 seconds in the

movie did that bother you Brendan tell

me why should I do this

mmm what's in it for me

competing copy for your demo reel

helping out kids helping out kids

what if Brendan you get your mom to come

with me on Friday night to meet my

sister and then I'll do your movie

all right I take a few pictures I'll

show my sister she'll smile everybody's

happy no harm done you don't leave your

house look I gotta get this done all

right I'm trying to console Paula just

say yes and I'll stop bothering is he

here

Brendon tell your mom what I did for you

today you bought me a cup of coffee no

I'm talking about the movie thing oh

yeah mom coach help me with the movie

today yeah mm-hmm the tornados coming

coach are you crying now am i crying

wait coach's Hornitos really coming yes

what the radio said there's a tornado

coming so I'm gonna stay down here with

the baby you guys go upstairs and play

should we stay down here with you

no it's not safe for everybody to be in

the same place during a tornado Melissa

but I thought you're supposed to go to

know the rule is Melissa you separate

are you sure yeah get sucked into the

funnel and everyone's separated it's

just like a fun ride but if you're all

in a group in a cluster you start

banging into each other and then your

heads collide and you die it's Janine

coach my arms broken remember your arm

is protected by a cast it's safer than

it was before now get in there I don't

think it's a good idea all right fine

fine go to the sub shop and get me a

steak and cheese peppers and onions hots

large give any money no neither do I

will go to your locker and get some how

much does a sub cos I don't know about

$8 I only have like $1 give a check do I

have a check yeah no well have you ever

filled out a check before my dad lets me

put in the date sometimes there's a

check I found it's blank fill it out to

the sub shop they'll tell you the amount

okay you write that in right here okay

then you write it out Travis that was

stupid okay then you sign it I sign it

this name on top okay

mr. Lynch yes mr. Lynch she gives him

his checks sometimes we share okay go

Brenda what the hell are you doing out

there first yourself

your smile don't Alan Einstein no Albert

Einstein Wow Brendan Ross yourself

Thanks do you have a quarter for the

balls you take the bus when you're dead

sure I don't have any much I don't have

any I don't have any money

Oh quarter for the bus quarter for the

bus

the end Brendan what the N what are you

reading quarter for the bus why are you

reading me that I'm trying to sleep I

just thought you'd like it

yeah whatever I'm not trying I gotta

study I gotta wake up Brendan it's a

memoir okay of a bus driver it's good

all right I'll read it sometime it's

just man I got a study so hey what buddy

what this was our first book club made

it ma hold on I'm coming now what oh hi

hello hi sorry I was yelling oh no

problem I'm a representative of the

crystal spirit family we're a new

spiritual organization and we're looking

for recruits that sounds great sign me

up

really right but there's no afterlife

well yes there is I mean we all know

that well we all don't cuz who says

there is well I say there is we say

there is right but I say there's not

because there isn't wait but I'm not

good at arguing wait oh my god what oh

my god yeah and sober I think I try not

to drink too much yeah there is a hint

of flaking on your breath just so you

know I get a little nervous going door

to door

I bet it's tough it's tough it's tough

so can I make you some eggs or so I got

hot dogs that'd be great

plus I can't believe you're a fairy

princess yeah so I'm gonna have to miss

some practice and probably a few games

so the whole weekend is off for the

movie - yeah sorry Brendon Melissa I

hope you know this looks bad when you're

letting the team down while you hang out

with a bunch of whiney babies and stupid

uniforms fun bunch of girls playing

hopscotch skipping rope they may have a

point but the real point is you're a

disappointment to the team Melissa coach

just a couple girls well why don't you

join that Brendon because I'm not a girl

well that's a laugh hey leave him alone

coach why what are you gonna do fairy

princess fly up and sprinkle dust on me

turn me into a little kitty cat can you

do that not yet you have to carry a wand

I gotta go I'll see you later Brenda bye

bye

you tell the fairy princesses I said hi

Melissa I will about that Brendon how

about that huh yeah let me tell you

something about women's renders yeah

women are insane they're insane all

right you get them together in a group

and they go insane or they turn into

animals and they eat their own you know

what I mean yeah

alright listen up I just found out I'm

supposed to be grading you kids since I

haven't been keeping track of anything

I'm gonna have to wing it

I don't think I'm giving everyone an A

cuz I'm not nobody's getting an A cuz we

suck so let's start with the bidding

will give me five bucks for a big plus

coach McGuirk I always get a's well not

this time Melissa

in fact for that outburst you're getting

a D can I get you a cup of coffee for a

B+ bro what B+ it's a big step up

Melissa for a coffee for a confidence to

see get it yeah black eight sugars hurry

back thanks coach anyone else Fenton I

can shine your shoes

Oh Fenton that's an F F a Fenton Coach

McGuirk

we can do your laundry you wash your

whites yeah wash your whites will

separate your colors peri-peri yeah well

tell Perry Walter will use fabric

softener all right shut up the both of

you two getting DS and that's that okay

for Walter and Perry everybody run 40

laps now don't want that to go he shut

it we finished it it's a pushy expose to

God Kimmy please come on our dojo

Yoshio d hi I need

anoche say cats in all too many Savannah

she little boy John MacArthur

well I know what makes you funnier

everybody loves a fat guy they're funny

I would have to get really fat wouldn't

9 to get really funny right no no

sometimes just have to be a little dumpy

which is what I would call you right now

I'm dumpy

yeah it's phase one okay there's about

eight phases starts from dumpy then it

goes to frumpy then it goes to fat six

phases of fat I don't know I'm not a

scientist I'm just saying you get fatter

and fatter that's what happens you start

the cycle and then you don't stop mm-hmm

isn't it like totally unhealthy so how

about this Brendon yeah some girls like

fat guys cuz their fathers were fat

right so you play on that it's the fat

father syndrome it's the ffs yeah girls

have fat fathers all right so when

you're fat you remind girls of their

father right done deal

Brendan what's the score this is 14 and

nothing too late you're all losers

game over oh come on Ref she tripped him

yellow card yellow card ref call a

yellow card

Brenda what's a yellow card I'd say it's

actually a yellow card it's literal yeah

it's idiotic it's a mighty sick Oh No

yelled at by mr. Lynch this morning so

yell back at him let me yell you for I

was doing my impression of kid jr. an

aubergine him and the jr. walks in he

hears me and you starts crying you know

and so I was it

hey you wanna hear my Jimmy Stewart okay

what's a line from that movie it's a

wonderful world that movie the Christmas

movie give me a line from that wonderful

life wonderful life yeah I'm ready here

we go right it's a wonderful life it's

pretty good hey Clarence it's a

wonderful life every time an angel ring

every time an angel rings a bell gets

his wings all right now pour me another

brandy that's my dad that's not bad what

you doing my dad watching It's a

Wonderful Life

where am i dad watching dog day that

make me laugh Brendon

what am I here for okay okay hey wait a

minute

he has a funny way you toppika have a

bushy eyebrow make fun of mr. Lynch

hey what's the show free and get your

cereal and don't come back with ten

boxes of cereal either just two but

about a cat go oh jeez I am so sorry

Eric hi hey you know we should exchange

information huh you know I I hit your

cart so why should you know oh right

right I get it yeah so hello hey mr.

Lynch

hi mr. Lynch hey you two should swap

information hey what do you know you

people everybody doing yeah apparently

we all shop yep yeah yeah all right I

gotta get moving here what are gonna do

with all those beans I'm gonna eat them

yeah going to Beantown is you to throw

you know a jumbo eggs though you only

need two instead of three yeah I get

though I get the one size fits all egg

but I'd like to see those jumbo hens yes

Bobby yeah yeah listen you know it was

so great running into all you guys but I

gotta get I gotta get going oh yeah what

me do everyone's got a schedule seven

yeah

a crazy idea guys what do you say we all

have dinner together you know four of us

dinner

Hey oh no what what why would we do that

you know I mean this is working out new

we seem to talk well together you know

tucked in for dinner the 12th about that

yeah okay let me can you hang on one sec

willow check my calendar yeah I gotta

say it doesn't look like that's gonna

work out you check in your calendar yeah

I'm checking my calendar right now right

now I'm sitting in the living room and

I'm looking at my calendar holding a

calendar yeah not in the kitchen I'm in

the living room I'm holding a calendar

I'm in my car holding binoculars and

you're in the kitchen holding a blue

coffee mug all right

yes I see you doing you were making the

plan what is what's going on what plan

the dinner plan I don't know what you're

talking about Lynch but don't call me

anymore take a load off hey sorry I'm so

late

I don't worry about it you're fine

you're fine he weird where's a Lynch and

Paula cancelled oh that's why Paula

offered to babysit well I'll tell you we

don't need them drink wine please let's

order another bottle okay

hey hey have you eaten here before I

just ate so I finished well I'm gonna

hit the head wolf hmm John McGuirk I

tell you this I I needed this sorry

here's to you for showing hey you know

you know who we shouldn't toast to Lynch

and Paula that's right

but I'd like to drink to them as long as

I kept my glass up I'm glad you came

through though it was nice you know

you're a man who respects a plant that's

good hate - planning come on oh man this

is good you can drink I mean can't

pronounce that I cannot consume it are

you gonna order are you were gonna I

order it already while you were in the

bathroom oh you did yep I'm gonna take

off okay do you mind if I eat while

you've gone no no enjoy what you get I

got the grilled chicken salad salad

you go girl I'll check you later buddy

I'm gonna leave you with the check I do

got a run out of here just gonna call

for my friend Ralph and we're gonna hit

it hit a nightclub okay you want me to

hook up with you guys later

no no that's cool you stick it out here

you what cuz I have my cell phone with

me have a good meal

okay if you want to call me you just

just say light about it I'm gonna leave

it on hey thanks for showing up

you