[13+] Home Movies (S04E12) - Temporary Blindness HD

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cogentiva know you wore glasses I don't

but I should have been wearing him for

the last 10 years Brendan and they can't

see anything really like I see you but

you're just like a ball of blur right

orange and blue it's just like colors

it's beautiful yeah yeah where are you

over here couch all right over here

when I hear your nasal voice which is so

annoying right I know it's you so I use

my ears that's how I've gotten by my

sense of hearing is elevated sometimes

Brendan wins one of your senses fail

like my eyes your other senses take over

you know Lou Ferrigno or Helen Keller

coach you let people point laser beams

in your eyes why not just get glasses

glasses are for dorks Brendan period no

offense to the baby

although babies with glasses or even

worse like super dorks unless somebody

cut open your cornea yeah it was a

one-time thing Brendan then I'm done and

I see perfectly the rest of my beautiful

life and this is a one-time offer today

only $115 for an eye $115 an eye this

guy even licensed well what do you work

for the CIA Brendan mind your own

business I want to see clearly all right

I'm sick of being blind what about

contacts you wear contacts you wear

contacts oh you do it you're doing I

can't read this Paolo you fill it out

for me yeah you know John how long is

this actually gonna take I don't know

Paul no surgeon so I got some stuff to

do and I'm sorry I'm just saying I wish

you didn't spring it on me right after

soccer practice well Paul I wish you

wouldn't complain to me before I get

surgery I'm the one going under the

knife in about two minutes yeah what

should I put here for your social

security number I don't know just make

up a couple numbers closest family

number in case of emergency um I know I

have an uncle perfect I'll put uncle

just put my uncle put that in quotes

section yeah okay number two so this is

safe right oh yeah absolutely safe yeah

they wear glasses huh yeah I would think

that you'd have the surgery I mean you

perform laser surgery oh um no no I am

item two lasers or needles what are

these

Oh sometimes you know you have to stay

still okay

you sit here watch this and I tell you I

better go eat something aren't gonna

pass out how long before the drugs kick

in duck I don't know for me it's pretty

quick but if you don't feel anything in

a few minutes grab a few more off the

counter there oh great I'm gonna guy

take I generally go by the rule of

whatever can fit in your fist I also

brought my own so Oh what do you have

Percodan okay and percocet mm-hmm and

alcohol but just watch the video hello

customers if you're watching this you

may or may not be a candidate for laser

eye both surgeries are you dude my name

is ping pong Vaughn laser Stein today

we're going to talk about your eyes eyes

what's that hello to cook I did not see

you come in sorry to sneak up on you

ping-pong eyes well you know what laser

eye surgery is right the eyes is what

laser topographical reshaping takes

place upon oh you mean like

exactly to topographical eyeball corneal

days are reshaping here's what we do

first we give you some sleepy time

feel-good pills then we put you on a

table and tape down your head see we've

done wiggle giggles niggle then we prop

open your eyes you mean I was that's

right tuku and we could open your cornea

sounds like fun hey yeah feel like

getting a head start on your homework I

think the question is do you feel like

getting a head start on my homework come

on what do you got oh well we're

supposed to be doing this family trees

you know boring stupid crappy family

shrubbery family trees yeah I think

that'll be fun be kind of neat to see

who were related to here's what I like I

like that you're getting excited about

doing this for me what if we're related

to someone really famous like I don't

know like Neil Diamond I guess that

would be interesting hey when we get

home we'll go online and we'll find one

of those websites that helps you find

out your lineage

all right have I ever told you where

babies come from Brendan yes every day

good

and then you can see real good right

that's red choker and then you put into

magical eyedrops hey drugs working yet

oh I'd say that's a yes

hey ping-pong in tuku iead mr. stinky -

I'd like to kill the son of a okay

hold still

doctor I love ping-pong and tuku mm-hmm

okay play it again

okay you'll feel a slight pressure in

the eyes okay that's me cutting into

them now see I burned your cheek you

have to sit still

little ways yes you have my cheek

well you moved oh I smell burning I is

that a problem no doctor it was a

pleasure oh you're a good man

thank you good stock okay let me another

hug

alright one more a month okay Brendan go

start the car alright doctor you did

your job

okay here we'll give you some money John

there we go

there's your money thanks for the

surgery you're welcome

idiot I can't see whoa well he should be

fine um just take him home and check on

him every couple of hours home to his

house he's gonna need some attention for

the next couple of days he's he's not

ours actually oh well he can't be alone

can you give me Oh somebody else does

anybody have a ver come on mom let him

stay you look at him he shouldn't be by

himself

mom I'm party

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I can't believe we have to do this

stupid family tree thing yeah well what

are you doing huh

family stuff's personal I thought you

don't have to talk about family in

school isn't there something like family

in school should be separate

what kind of stupid assignment is that

am i right that's church and state oh

not family in school no my mom's doing

mine so you know my parents are in

Tunisia so I can't do it cuz I can't

contact them they didn't leave you a

number to get in touch by fax their

hotel

hopefully they'll fax for me back my

family tree wake up mr. sleepy pants

paging dr. sleeping berg hello good

morning do not approach me Brendan when

I'm sleeping that's how you get hurt

that is how you get hurt don't you want

to take off the bandage and see what

your new vision is like yeah voila

take a look are there any more bandages

here no you're all clear John my eyes

are open now right yeah yeah hi hi I'm

blind very funny very funny I'm not

kidding I can't see very funny

seriously well doctor I can't see I I

understand it when do I get my eyesight

back I want it back you said it was

coming back it is what what time do you

have there what do you mean there what

time zone are you in never mind

what are you talking about it's gonna

come back I want it back now you said it

was coming back hold on yes mr. Sullivan

I'll be right there look why are you

whispering

because I have people here where are you

I'm at my other job what other job I

have to go I thought you were an eye

doctor I am don't ever call my number

again wait oh my god how am I gonna get

to work I gotta get to work now I can't

see ah coach Brandon don't drink the

chocolate milk it's gone bad

hey guys I've traced the back to the

lineage of people for my ferret and his

family's been through quite a lot really

that I know contacted the ferret breeder

he has a detailed records Wow did you

know that people poets from the Ukraine

no yeah but his family came over on the

slow boat really why they do that escape

communism and then they settled in st.

Louis in the 40s

yeah well anyway Popo had more brothers

and sisters but they were put away

because they carry the Ebola virus Wow

which wiped out st. Louis in the 60s our

families are only as interesting yeah

well I mean your families you know not

ferrets he's got a point yes you're

right I can't get anything out of my dad

every time I ask him about my mother's

side he starts acting all the earth

really not what do you mean like he

starts laughing and then crying and

laughing and just wants attention when I

just call her yourself yeah okay I'll do

that

you know something listen nobody's gonna

know your family history is you know you

just make up the whole thing's make it

up yeah who cares I mean who cares about

family trees anyway it's Wednesday

chocolate milk day what the hell it is

horrible please don't drink the

chocolate milk it's gone bad I repeat

the chocolate milk is gone bad guys this

is so weird

coach you are psychic you are psyche did

you know that what am I talking about of

course you do you're psychic I'm telling

the psychic he's psychic it's because

you went blind Yeah right Brendon told

us about the whole chocolate milk thing

and he projected it happened coach it

happen it happened hey you're like a

wizard yeah coach this is amazing listen

we have a lot of work to do okay okay

first of all we need to use your powers

to fight crime

definitely yeah you know like that am I

gonna do when I grow up what am I gonna

marry where will I live am I gonna be a

famous composer composer yeah really

live playing record her when's our next

pop quiz coach can you give us the

answers to the homework well there's the

number of the hotel in Tunisia where my

parents are staying coach and where is

Tunisia coach I think he's asleep with

his eyes open

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coach McGuirk just told us our fortunes

wait what he did yeah $20 everybody

heard you guys talking about him going

blind and becoming a psychic

ladies charging you guys to hear your

Fortson yeah you better quit Brendon the

line is getting wrong Brenda well only

$20 how's my husband um I see um see a

mustache

yes did he have a mustache he did yeah

and the boots you know where he was a

working man he did work yeah

news I see water water and their water

he was afraid of water right yes they

died he's dead right yes he loves you

very much

he does yes will you give him a message

for me

sure what is it dear I found another man

oh that's nice 20 bucks please thank you

you're a great man

all right get out next I think my

partner's embezzling from you am i right

yeah I guess so 20 bucks next well can I

catch this keep the line moving who's

next hi how will I die can you foresee

that yes come here touch your head

uh-huh you're gonna die peacefully in

your sleep oh yeah it's gonna be nice

unfortunately it's gonna be soon Oh

20 bucks next

okay apparently this guy is still alive

and he's our second or third uncle or

something and he's out of prison now it

says well that's good out now you know

instead of tarnishing the family name

well yeah but he's technically still on

probation that's good to know we come

from good stock yes it is most of them

seem to be carnies or on the lam I feel

like maybe not including them in the

family tree I wouldn't object to that so

what do we got you mean your father you

stepmother your grandparents and your

sister my sister Josie yeah but what do

we really know about her well she hasn't

been to prison yet well we don't really

know that do we

there were two days where I lost her yes

Brenda outside what big drama outside

pronto can't make it work I can't make

the tree work I don't know what to put

down I know Jason okay that's the

problem I don't know what to put down

all right hold on just calm down

branches there won't blink okay it's

just an assignment Melissa it's no big

deal

what happened to making the whole thing

up what happened to that idea Oh Melissa

you put down Cinderella as your mother

and the Lion King as your father mm-hmm

Jason get some paper and an

Entertainment Weekly let's do this right

what am I your intern Brenda just do it

Jason sorry

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so what you sleeping in my bed now I am

blind Brendan I have no idea where I am

looks like ya made a lot of money today

huh oh yeah it turns out that psychics

make a lot of money hey let me ask you

something um I always wanted to know

like how do you see the visions like

does it come to you in like a metaphor

does it come to you like you know weird

kind of a acronym or how does basically

it's fairly he's at make him up you make

it up well I mean people will believe

anything wait a minute no I know you're

psychic you predicted the chocolate milk

thing

no I didn't I just told you about it a

lunch lady told me to put away the milk

before I forgot left it out in the Sun

and went bad then I told you about it

wait you're not even psychic of course

not you insane I tell everybody you

worried

this is embarrassing it's not

embarrassing Brendon I'm making money

and you keep your mouth shut about a

pregnant because I'm doing a big seance

which means more money and I don't need

you wrecking it I can't even look at you

right now hey hey gimme that what the

hell is this you're reading a magazine

yeah I like magazines well you're

supposed to be blind Shh that is

absolutely despicable you make me sick

coach what did you get your sight back

well it's immaterial Brendon when did

you get your sight back well I was blind

for a little while okay were you playing

when we took off your bandages uh yes

okay are you blind when you broke mine

fishtank no okay are you blind when you

peed all over the hallway

no are you drunk yes okay now we're

getting somewhere

can I pinpoint a time that I have not

been blind and drunk mm-hmm no well

how's your vision now yeah it's pretty

great okay let me tell you something I'm

not gonna tell anybody about you being a

fraud but I want 50% of everything you

made today everything gonna make it the

same oh whoa whoa whoa fifty percent

well what happened to the

holier-than-thou I was doing the wrong

thing attitude from you about a minute

ago now you want my money

couple minutes ago I didn't know you

were fraud I see I like your style

all right you're a liar and a cheat

that's cool I'll give you ten percent

five uh okay you just went down by the

way what you just went down I did yeah I

offered to ten you said five I meant to

say 20 probably

ladies and gentlemen before we bring out

the psychic we ask that please keep your

table talk down to a minimum and turn

off all cell phones and pagers and now

we give you the blind prophet I feel

that I'm being pulled in this direction

it's someone over here lose a loved one

hmm

how about over here I'm getting a strong

feeling from here here say between here

and here anyone between this hand and

this hand going all the way back no so

you mean to tell me that in this room

full of people no one you don't know

anyone who's died no one nothing look it

is statistically impossible that no one

here knows someone who died all right

who wants me to channel some dead

celebrities how about that there we go

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I'm Jimmy Stewart oh I miss you I miss

doing movies I gotta go hey pilgrim what

are you doing I miss doing movies I'm

John Wayne that's not what your country

can do for you ask what you can do for

your country

next some wacky wild stuff I'm Johnny

Carson I'm Zeus lightning and thunder

I'm Jimmy Cagney be good to yourselves

you dirty rats he's all right he's all

right he's all right now does anyone

have a question for King Arthur of the

round table

how about you over there in the blue

hey mr. McGuirk I thought you're

supposed to be blind I am I'm blind I

thought you were King Arthur I am King

Arthur

how come you answer when I call you

McGuirk because I thought you said King

Arthur hey this guy's a phony hey hey

hey hey hey hold on everybody hold on

all right just relax I can explain this

whole thing let me just make my way to

this door because there's something

outside this door that will explain

everything okay see you later I have

something to tell you guys about

Pipo Pipo my ferrets family tree yeah

yeah it's crap you know what else

Pipo Pipo escapes a year ago in fact I

don't even know that I had a ferret in

the first place I think it was imaginary

well then how could you I don't think

there even is such a thing as ferrets

all right sorry it's okay Jason it's all

right we didn't really believe you

anyway

well here's the weird part Jason's

imaginary ferret had a bigger family

than ours I mean look at this right mom

yeah but that's not bad having a small

family is a good thing Brendon we don't

have to send out a lot of Christmas

cards thank yourself

I like our intimate little group Brendon

what are you gonna put down for Josie oh

you know well you know she's adopted hmm

and her parents wanted to remain

anonymous so you know what do you do

yeah but we have our suspicions we think

it's Don Howe and Arthur kit no how can

it not be look at her she looks like the

kid who'd you end up deciding on for

parents Melissa hi everyone and welcome

to my family tree my life is great as

you can see here my mother is the

beautiful princess Cinderella you may

know her from such films as Cinderella

she and my father met shortly after he

left the WWF and just before being

elected the first independent governor

of Minnesota I have seven brothers

their names are happy sleepy dopey doc

grumpy lumpy and Stu and my uncle Hulk

Hogan comes over every week to read me

bedtime stories this is a reenactment of

people first cross-atlantic adventure

coming to the new world so

escape the Red Menace welcome to Ellis

Island what's your name

peep ople wits well in America you're

just peep Oppo where are you from

Ukraine

alright get aligned with the other

spirits where are my bags no no okay I

love America

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