Chefs Speak Out on Mental Health in the Restaurant Industry | WSJ

We are dealing with an epidemic

of mental illness in our industry.

And it's something that people are afraid to talk about

or confront or take care of themselves.

A lot of people don't understand how to deal

with people that have anxiety, depression

because they don't know what to say.

It took a lot of prominent figures

in the restaurant industry and outside to help us

figure out that it is okay to talk about this.

I was much more affected by

Anthony Bourdain's death than I thought I would be.

What was scariest about it was

that I realized it could be me.

After Anthony Bourdain passed, sadly a couple

of acquaintances and I've heard of numerous people

in the food and beverage industry taking their lives.

And he was this icon of positivity

and living life to the fullest.

He was the last person people thought would commit suicide

and he had extreme depression that nobody knew about.

If a chef like Anthony Bourdain could kill himself

then how a chef like myself can deal with my mental issues

and deal with all the stress that comes with the industry.

In the restaurant industry,

there's a big macho sort of persona that whatever

restaurant you're working in you have to adapt to that.

Tough, nothing bothers me, I've got the biggest ego.

You have to look happy because if you don't,

then that affects the people around you

and they feed off your energy.

So even when your life is in shambles, nobody can know that.

Only reason why people listen to you and respect you

for how much you can take under pressure.

As a Black chef, a lot of times

I have to be strong but not too strong.

Like I can get angry, but not too angry.

If I come off as too strong, then I'm the angry Black woman.

I think as a biracial chef it's always tough

because your whole life you feel like you don't fit in.

It makes you more isolated.

So the challenge is, how do you make that decision

to break down those walls and open up?

The couple of times I've opened up to people

that I thought would be supportive,

you don't need that, you don't need to be on

the anti-depressants right now, you're fine.

And runs anywhere from there to,

wow I always thought you were stronger than that.

Being vulnerable should be viewed as honest

and honesty takes strength.

I had to actually untrain myself over the years

to be who I authentically am.

In the restaurant industry we're kind of

a giant band of misfit toys.

And we wonder whether it's that we attract people

who have issues that are going on or we create the issues

because of the environment the restaurant lives in.

There's such a huge pressure

to work until you basically fall apart.

I have often felt guilty for not

working 90-some hours a week.

I have felt guilty if I leave before we close.

If you're not at work,

you better be in the hospital, dead, or in jail.

Because of the pressure and the fear that

I was going to lose my job, I didn't call in sick.

And I spent two weeks in the hospital

fighting for my life with double pneumonia.

Most of my career I didn't have any days off.

I was the first person to walk in the kitchen,

the last person to leave.

That would be eight in the morning 'til one in the morning.

For a lot of us when we go home there's nobody around.

Up until recently my usual way of coping with it

was to just drink myself to a point

where my brain would shut up.

Most of us are working off of passion over money.

I've survived off of $10, $11 an hour,

working overtime, two jobs,

on top of having to pay back $65,000 of student loans.

I would work at a place where I was making $11.50

and halfway through the work week

I didn't even have enough money to catch the bus.

When you work so hard and you can't even pay your bills,

that really hits you hard.

It makes you feel worthless.

Every plate is a new curtain opening

and you're being judged.

That creates a very stressful environment.

You don't get the opportunity

to edit the work that you've done.

You don't really get a second chance.

Some of the things that have become normalized

in the restaurant industry that I really wish weren't.

The drug abuse, the alcoholism,

the physical abuse, the sexual abuse.

When I was a young cook, I've had chefs spit in my face,

I've had them screaming in my face, cussing in my face.

The chef would ask me into his office

and close the door behind me.

He would corner me and yell at me,

he would throw utensils at me,

and he also would ask me to do things like lick his face.

I had to leave the industry after 14 years when I realized

it was just too hard on me physically and mentally.

I've been a personal chef for about a year now

and the thought of going back in the kitchen is scary.

I have been reprimanded in an aggressive

and belittling way to get someone's point across.

I have also been that person,

and I don't ever want to be that person anymore.

This is my first time talking publicly

about my struggles, being such a young manager.

It causes a lot of anxiety, sometimes depression.

As of now I've been able to afford to go see a therapist.

It was important for me to speak up so that way

maybe someone else who's going through

what I'm going through knows that they're not alone.

I'm not broken because I have anxiety.

I try not to feel any stigma about

taking an anti-anxiety medication.

I know that I have to take care of myself

to be able to take care of other people.

I've considered suicide a couple of times in my life.

Right about a year ago, Tampa was about to get destroyed

by a major hurricane, you know, and the slowest time

of year we just had our business cut by about 75%.

I mean maybe a month later the news starts reporting

about a serial killer in the neighborhood.

Again, our business was down 50%, 75%.

That stress of, again, putting on the good face,

being the leader with all the answers

just took an amazing toll on me.

I tried to kill myself three times in about a year.

I had something to drink on the side

and I just took a razor blade and started going.

And my now ex-girlfriend, she had walked through the door

and um, even then I was trying to be

the restaurant tough guy, like it's totally fine.

And you don't go to the hospital,

and I go and work brunch the next day in the middle

of a hot summer in Chicago wearing long sleeves.

And all the time, aren't you hot?

People are asking, man, you must be

a cold soul, I don't get it.

- I was adopted.

I was abused, sexually abused.

I was gay in Mississippi.

At the time that I was suicidal, I never talked about it.

And I was very lucky that I had

something inside me that, call it hope.

- I want to affect a social change, especially within the

restaurant industry because it's the place I love to be.

- We could start a conversation that's going to

help millions of people speak out to someone.

Don't keep it a secret because

secrets breed pain and torture.

- My team and I came together and organized an event

called Heard to bring food and beverage people

together to just show that it's okay to not be okay.

- In Sacramento we've lost a bunch of people over the last

year to suicide and so we've started to talk about it

among ourselves and brought 15 restaurateurs together,

we're doing a series of eight-hour trainings.

Short hand would be like CPR for mental health.

It's a challenge that has no victories.

It's a challenge that will have fewer defeats.

- We can create an environment that is accepting.

- Well I'm really tired of watching people die too young.

- The fear of losing a Michelin star,

the fear of a business closing and failing, the pressure

of a bad review, these aren't reasons to take your life.

I don't want to be alone.

I don't want to strive to be great

if there's no one to share it with.

- We've gotten to the point now where when people have

mental health issues during service,

instead of saying breakdowns we're trying to actually spin

a positive light on it, so we call them breakthroughs.

- Don't downplay your story.

Just because someone else has a worse story,

your story still matters.

- You have to find that support system.

And alcohol and drugs are not that.

- We need to accept that we have this problem

before we can change it.

- It's not just in the food industry,

it's not just the people that you would expect.

- Sit down and look at the employee or your

co-worker who you know is having these issues.

All those red flags.

The, I don't know anymores.

The, I don't know if I can do it.

Are you okay?

Have you tried to kill yourself?

It's going to take an honest, tough conversation.

If you really want to change how people look at this.

(serene music)