Disney Sports Skateboarding - Square Eyed Jak

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so

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the landscape of alternative and extreme

sports video games in 2002 was

absolutely popping off with a

combination of original hits highly

anticipated sequels fresh takes on more

traditional sports and of course knock

off clones trying to print money on the

backs of others hard work so where does

disney fit into this equation well while

all those other guys were off flooding

the xbox and playstation marketplaces

disney looked towards nintendo's

gamecube as free real estate and looked

to build a monopoly of their own radical

sports games exclusive to the system and

thus the disney sports brand was born

stillborn

first there was disney sports soccer

which released in july of 2002

disney sports skateboarding that we'll

be taking a look at today released a

mere seven days later

man why do they always feel the need to

do this

then of course we got disney sports

basketball and football in november and

december of 2002 two weeks apart and

finally snowboarding and motocross

exclusive to the gameboy advance in

february of 2003 released eight days

apart god damn it it's activision 02 all

over again unlike activision 02 this

thing was dead within half a year which

is pathetic and the reviews good lord

gamespot gave disney sports

skateboarding a 2 out of 10. can you

even believe that

a 2 out of 10 from gamespot man that's

got to be like

well i don't know a negative 4 out of 10

by my standards

what flavor of am i about to

consume here

this was developed and published by

konami so it can't be that abhorrent

right

right

i mean this is konami in 2002 that we're

talking about here the same konami most

famous for evolution skateboarding and

tony hawk's pro metal gear of course

even with those accolades under their

belt i'm still not feeling very

confident

the game opens up with a cool hype intro

video featuring the iconic cast of

disney characters shredding up a street

course you just love to see it after all

the years of real world skate footage a

cartoon reimagining of that is a lot of

fun the weird sports coverage

transitions and though bizarre

direction they're taking with this now

given that i'm not at all familiar with

the gamecube i want to warm up with the

tutorial stage first this is basically

just a little playground with a

checklist of every trick in the game and

it gives us a chance to get a glimpse of

what we're in for the trick animations

and flair here are much better than

extremely goofy skating but moving into

the first level obligatory sonic

adventure reference the character

animation's getting on the board and

certain movement still leads things to

feel a bit stiff for my liking it

shouldn't affect us too much on the

first course though since we're just

following the crystals downhill to the

finish line

or not

um

what the hell is going on here

well apparently this game is suffering

from an identity crisis on one hand it

wants to be pro skater with familiar

objectives and the cartoony

action-oriented stages but on the other

side of the coin were expected to race

through the level hitting checkpoint

gates like a slalom course

who made such a brain dead decision

fire them

yeah set them on fire

this first level is an absolute mind

the first time you play it

thankfully there is a map to help direct

us to each checkpoint but that doesn't

make it any easier when we're expected

to break into tight hidden areas climb a

complicated construction site and launch

across rooftops jesus christ is this

really level one it's so convoluted and

overly complex to comprehend am i

supposed to complete the objectives or

race to the end well you're supposed to

do both but that simply doesn't work

at the end of the stage you're given a

rank which determines if you can

progress as well as gaining some skill

points that contribute to leveling up

each character we've got mickey minnie

donald goofy max and pete pete is such a

lump that you can barely even see the

level in front of you so if you want to

be laughed at and called a virgin

players pete

so that's it moving on to the second

level now and this one at the very least

is a lot more straightforward to

understand because it's clearly a

downhill rally all of the items you need

to find are along the primary course and

nailing the six stunts should easily net

you high scores enough for a solid

ranking this level helps me start to see

what they wanted to achieve here but i'm

still so muddled by the entire thing i

can't really focus my brain enough to

deliver a coherent thought

especially with that obnoxious narrator

screening garbage constantly in the nose

burn nollie the tail slide the front

side forward slide no need to rush mod

big air right there oh no

nollie to make two skater down i repeat

skater down wow

i bet that won't get annoying every

single time i do literally

anything nick twain

yes

shut the up

oh holy

peace

tranquility oh man it's beautiful

and now that we're not being slammed

with gnarly every six goddamn seconds we

can take in the music as well

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i mean it's no dead kennedys but it gets

the job done i suppose i think the

problem we're ultimately facing here

much like goofy's extremely sucky

skateboarding is that the environments

just feel uninspired to play there's a

cruise ship that mostly takes place in

the engine rooms pete's pleasure machine

whoa that sounds exciting of course

there's the san francisco level which is

just a cliche and some generic space

station

now i'm not privy to disney character

law but all of these could literally be

ripped from any other game and i

wouldn't even notice but the problem is

is that they're all just awful confusing

to navigate even with the help of a map

counter-intuitive to completing

objectives and my god they take so long

people complain that the two-minute

timer in pro skater can be restrictive

well would you prefer to slowly trudge

around a boring ass space level

wrestling with the walls and ultimately

running out of time right before the

finish line after seven and a half

minutes forcing you to repeat the entire

thing again

oh this is brutal

the checkpoint gates for additional time

is a major up but the time limit

instantly killing you is also an

unforgivable crime for any skateboarding

game if you ask me there is a reason

that pro skater works as a genuine skill

oriented series of games novice players

can play and complete objectives one

session at a time while pro players can

strive for full clean sweeps within the

time limit that often force you to

continue after the timer has expired by

keeping your combo running and guess

what it's the coolest most enjoyable

part of the game for me seeing how long

i can survive

so playing this and instantly having my

balls cut off

can't say that i'm a fan of that one

this is even more apparent over in the

half pipe competitions which are

surprisingly difficult it's tough trying

to maintain combos for high scores and

once i'm finally into the rhythm i'm

forced to stop time attack mode is the

same thing as the regular career only

that we're racing through the levels as

quickly as possible

while still completing objectives

as if i wasn't already trying to do that

honestly what is the point of this

either have the checkpoints exclusive in

their own mode or as a standalone

objective separate to the others within

the main career not both

hell even freescape mode still features

all of the objectives i guess so that

you can practice but if you want to do

that then sure you may as well just play

the main mode anyway

i'm just so sick of this formula that i

wanted a break or a change of pace but

there isn't anything else present here

another egregious error here in my

opinion is that you're kind of forced to

play as only one character as you can

see i like to mix things up for the sake

of presentation for the review but i

feel like i myself on this one c

even to access certain spots across the

various levels requires the use of

special abilities that you unlock by

leveling up a character so once you

reach level 2 now you can go back to the

first map and use the super air to

launch into a garden the size of a

matchbox all just for a single item on

the map and of course i can't just grab

it now i have to play through this

entire nightmare again getting all of

the checkpoints just to complete this

one extra objective so because i

switched up my characters every level

there is no way i'm going to be

unlocking the rest of these other

abilities however if we go back into the

tutorial we can at least see what each

of them do

though having already beaten the game by

this point i have no idea how some of

these would even play out within the

actual levels when they all skate so

poorly and yes i have finished this game

by the way

man that was brief the back of the box

claims to feature 10 wonderfully themed

skateparks which is just a bold face lie

there are only six actual levels to play

through along with three half pipe

variations in the competitions which if

you ask me don't really count and the

only other level is the tutorial skate

park which is arguably the best level in

the entire game the tutorial level

go figure however there is also the

amusement park which after seeing what

goofy had to offer

this is a major improvement and the only

thing in this game deserving of the

title wonderful i mean just look at this

sure it's chaotic and wild with a lot

going on various rides to traverse and

roller coasters to ride

again there is no balance system in this

game but at least it remains engaging by

having to swap between tracks and

hopping over the vehicles it's a

nightmare to actually navigate this map

as a whole while also trying to complete

goals and even finding the checkpoint

gates is a monumental effort ultimately

though i did enjoy my time with it and

in a more competent skating game this

would be an absolute show stealer but as

for this game as a whole it's not even

worth stealing if you asked me

the whole slalom course checkpoint

show is what crippled this entire thing

aside from being a bit awkward to

control on a general level the skating

is enjoyable and coherent enough to

build the foundations of a decent game

there are a heap of tricks to pull off

special moves and the few times levels

actually delivered fun exploration and

combo lines it was a glimpse towards a

true disney pro skater but it's the

bizarre lack of direction in the course

design overall combined with the

contradictory objectives and a sheer

lack of replay value for me that seals

this game's sad fate

disney sports skateboarding gets

4

out of 10. it really fits in with

downhill jam if you ask me the similar

linear stage structure racing modes and

despite being decent in certain aspects

just fails to deliver anything of

long-term value to the genre and the

cherry on top is the lack of polish

supposedly each character has a set of

unlockable outfits but um i haven't seen

them there is a model and outfit viewer

in the extras menu the manual mentions

on page 19 that uniforms are earned

depending on the outcome of the mission

whatever that means but no matter how

hard i try no matter the rank i earn or

how thorough i search each course i

can't find a damn thing there's not even

any information online about this either

i couldn't find a single scrap of visual

evidence to prove that alternate outfits

ever even existed in this game so if you

can help me with that then please reach

out alright people don't go anywhere

because we're not finished yet disney's

plans for world sports video game

domination didn't end at the gamecube no

they got their filthy rat claws embedded

into the game boy advance as well

spreading this like a plague

so

let's all say a quick

prayer and take a look at the gba port

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well as you can see this is certainly

trying its best to be a port but no

matter how hard it tries it's still a

port of disney sports skateboarding well

i already have one complaint where the

hell is max you know the one and only

character here who is actually a skater

and that's a key part of his personality

yeah nah we don't need him we have the

rodent that's the only thing we'll ever

need is the disgusting rodent and mrs

rodent

okay well now that we're past the title

screen let's see what the game has to

offer same concept really make it

through the various checkpoint gates

within the level with the highest rank

possible only this time it's proper

busted course layouts are all totally

different many opting for a more linear

design which at the very least does

assist the often awkward checkpoint gate

dilemma but this time it's the control

itself no matter what i try i can barely

hit a single trick that isn't a basic

grind they just don't seem to function

and when they do it doesn't even matter

if i'm mid-air or crashing down to the

ground

what this is so bad how difficult can it

possibly be i mean honestly

i'm no game developer but if hot gen

studios can make pro skater work on the

game boy color of all systems then

what's the excuse for this it is so

difficult even staying on course half of

the time and getting stuck on objects is

an absolute nightmare it just drains

your points like crazy let alone trying

to build all of that lost score back up

from tricks and picking up items it's

just a total mind melter look at how

difficult this is just for one object

pick it up i've got a clock up my ass

just grab the damn thing and

move on why do i need a degree in

advanced physics just to get one item

oh but the other junk scattered around

ghost pixels can grab those for you no

problem effortless

ugh this is doing my head in guys

seriously

thankfully i can take out some of my

frustrations on pete who just roams the

levels and tries to knock you off your

board bam take that you ugly bastard at

the end of a course you can actually

spend all of the button icons you've

collected to purchase more moves

this is why i can't do anything because

all of the moves are locked what the

and even if i actually had access

to these tricks who's to say if i'd even

be able to execute them at this point i

may as well go into the settings and

turn on automatic tricks and just let

the game play with itself

yeah that sounds fun and fulfilling

right let the game play with itself

giving you more time to play with

yourself because honestly that'd be

significantly better use of your time if

you ask me

the gba port gets an abysmal score of 2

out of 10.

what a piss take

man my head is spinning right now

we're only halfway through october this

year and i'm already starting to think

that this special is just a total bust

playing disney skateboarding games is

like opening a long forgotten treasure

vault of and just huffing it in for

what purpose

i don't even know anymore

but

there's always tomorrow

yeah tomorrow it's finally time people

because we'll be taking a look at one of

the most highly requested games that

i've ever had on this channel

and no it's not ratchet and clank no

it's a skateboarding game people have

practically been begging me to talk

about ever since october began five

years ago

and i think

it's finally time we take a look so be

sure to join me tomorrow when we drop in

on the simpsons skateboarding

until then i hope you all enjoyed

today's video if you did be sure to

leave a like subscribe and remember to

share oktober with your friends and on

social media i'm square eye jack and i

hope you have a great day

thanks for watching

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you